Zaius Nation - Some Apes Are More Equal Than Others

Ack! My Great, Great Grandfather Might Be Killed By a Girl Scout Cookie!

As all of my gentle readers already know, I am a mega-fan of Girl Scout Cookies, so imagine my horror when I found out that Girl Scout Cookies are killing my orangutan ancestors! It is all just too horrible to imagine... Stop the horror! Stop the horror at once!

mongabay.com: Girls Scouts censors Facebook page after coming under criticism
grist.org: Girl Scouts censor Facebook criticism of palm oil in cookies
jezebel.com: The Great Girl Scouts Insurrection
wsj.com: Girl Scouts Bake Up Plan To Tackle Cookie Worries
nonprofitquarterly.org: Youth Activism: Two Girl Scouts Create Rebellion in the Ranks
huffingtonpost.com: Girl Scout Cookies Under Fire For Endangering Orangutans (VIDEO)
triplepundit.com: Are Girl Scout Cookies Biodiversity Killers and Censorship Monsters?
greenanswers.com: Former Scouts Meet With Top Girl Scout Officials to Discuss Cookies
philanthropy.com: Two Girl Scouts Take on Parent Group Over Cookie Recipe

I must be brave in the face of this abhorrent situation.

Labels: Girl Scout Cookies

Quick! Activate Mitt Romney Emergency Sanctimonious Flip Flop Strategy Plan Delta!

Who knew that Mitt Romney was such an imaginative fellow. [ 2, 3, 4 ]

Axe Cop

No time for blogging today! I am off to Chicago (The Murder Capital of America) to help Germaine Gregarious work on her doctoral thesis. (What I don't understand is why can't her doctor work on his own thesis?) In the meantime you can watch these swell videos of the amazing Axe Cop [ 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 ], a tale of the trials and tribulations of a modern policeman written by a 7 year old and drawn by his slightly older brother. (Enjoy the videos! I've got to go stock up on quicklime, plastic bags, rope, and lots of extra Handi Wipes for the trip.)

The Secret Photo of What Happened at Bin Laden's Compound!

The First Lady dances on the gave of Osama Bin Laden... Has she no respect for the dead?
Keith Olbermann: A Special Comment: The Death of Osama bin Laden
crooksandliars.com: Yes Folks, Glenn Beck Went There
zap2it.com: 'Obama Bin Laden Dead': FOX News affiliate defends itself for typo
yahoo.com: Bin Laden news finds pundits forsaking usual comfort zones
thehill.com: No House resolution honoring military's bin Laden mission
youtube.com: Trump learns of Osama Bin Laden's Death
oliverwillis.com: Waterboarding Was NOT Used To Capture Bin Laden
crooksandliars.com: Fox wants to be sure everyone gives Bush credit for Bin Laden's death
thinkprogress.org: Palin Thanks Bush For Bin Laden Raid, Doesn't Mention Obama Once
crooksandliars.com: Sarah Palin's tribute to the military becomes a nasty attack on Obama
thinkprogress.org: Analysis: Bush's Lackluster Hunt For Bin Laden
crooksandliars.com: Joe Scarborough: Obama's Base Didn't Want Him To Catch Bin Laden
youtube.com: 10 Cutest Cat Moments

The Talking Sarah Palin Commemorative Freedom Statue

Giant Science Fiction Microorganism, I Think I Love You!

No time for blogging today! As a member of the Unannounced Presidential Candidate Club, I am busy dispensing empty platitudes and broken promises to my disgruntled public. (I can say with all confidence that my worthless rhetoric is far superior to the worthless rhetoric of my unnamed opponents.) In the meantime you can watch this swell video of Belle Avery in the timeless classic "Giant science fiction microorganism, I think I love you!" (This is definitely one of the most romantic moments in television history.)

Laurie Partridge, Why Do You Vex Me So?

Laurie Partridge's reaction to her date to the school dance (a biker named Snake) when he attacked a group of football players with the punchbowl.

Birther Theory A Go Go!

News Flash: It has been reported that Donald Trump was so upset that President Obama has produced a birth certificate that his hair hit a *12* on a scale of 1 to 10!

Meanwhile, swift boatnik Jerome Corsi is quite upset that Obama's revelation is going to affect his book sales. [ 2, 3, 4, 5 ]

Cooler minds have prevailed, however...

Thank god that everything is back to normal!

The Original Broadway Version of "Little Shop of Horrors"

No time for blogging today! I am busy trying to nurse my new house plant back to health. I've tried everything! Plant food, pot-ash, mineral supplements, grow lights... I can't imagine what the poor little thing wants! (What does it want from me? Blood?!?) In the meantime you can watch this swell video of the original Broadway version of "Little Shop of Horrors" [13:21] that I found over at Vinnie Rattolle's Place.

Science Fiction Women In Bottles, and the Creepy Men Who Love Them

Previously I have discussed the Media Cliché of "Men Seldom Make Passes at Girls Who Wear Glasses." Today I submit another familiar cultural stereotype created by men to depict women as helpless. Like the commonplace prosaicisms of a women tied to the railroad tracks or sinking into quicksand, I present Science Fiction Women In Bottles, and the Creepy Men Who Love Them.

Maybe Hitler Was just "Uppity"

It wasn't until I heard all of this talk...

about Obama being like Hitler that I realized...

exactly how racist this image is.

A Racy Photo of Brigette Bardot's Pineal Gland!

Mouse over image to see a racy photo of Brigette Bardot's pineal gland!

Paul Ryan's 2012 Budget: It Gives to the Rich, and Steals From the Poor!

Paul Ryan's 2012 Budget - He Robs from the poor and elderly - and gives to the rich and wealthy!

Paul Ryan's budget has passed in the house! [ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 ]

Despite the controversy in the media...

He's only giving the people what they want. [ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ]

I don't really see what all the fuss is about! Except there is one thing that troubles me...

If President Obama is the Sheriff of Nottingham...

Then that means that Maid Marian is David Koch! [ 1, 2, 3, 4 ]

Liquid TV's Psycho Gram (Plus More!)

Liquid TV's Psycho Gram:1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17

No time for blogging today! I am too busy scouring the internet for snippets from the awesome MTV TV show, Liquid Television. [ 2 ] Aside from Psycho Gram, My favorite bits on the show were Aeon Flux, Stevie and Zoya, and Bill Plympton. But I had nearly forgotten about some of the other great cartoons, like Miss Lidia's Makeover [ 2, 3 ], Stick Figure Theatre [ 2, 3 ], Lea Press-On Limbs, Istanbul (Not Constantinople), Grinning Evil Death, Dog Brain, Sweeper, Art School Girls of Doom [ 2 ], Koko's Earth Control, Don't Go In The Basement, Dog Boy, etc., etc. Hold all of my calls, Miss Hathaway! I shall be busy kanoodling with the internet tubes this afternoon...

My Friend George Sent Me This

Orange kitty explains hide and seek for old people.

It's My Birthday!

No time for blogging today - It's my birthday! I was born in 3795 A.D., which means that I am negative 1784 years old! (Try and explain that to the DMV.) I think that I shall spend my birthday digging up some old friends. (One annoying thing about cemeteries is that everybody speaks in such a grave manner!) In the meantime, you can watch this swell video of "The Adventures of Lil' Cthulhu". (Gosh, he's a cute little fellah!)

By the way, tomorrow the 16th is BAC's Birthday, so we are practically sharing the same shallow grave! Also, Tuesday the 13th was Texas Betsy's Birthday! Also, I have the same birthday as my friend Steve at work! Yay!

Banana Twinkies for everybody!

My Unsubstantiated Claims are Wildly Arriving at Unfounded Conclusions

I certainly hope that the no-fly zone in Libya does not become President Obama's defining moment. Click here to watch Keith Olbermann's Special Comment on the subject: Libya, Obama and the Five-Second Rule. This is from his blog at The FOK News Channel.

I Wonder If He Asks For Seperate Checks?

Newt Gingritch is now ordering two meals at a time, one for each face! [ 2, 3 ]

You Can't Teach People to be Lazy - Either They Have It, or They Don't.

I was perusing a recent article, "States With the Most Couch Potatoes," and I was shocked to find that my own state was not amongst those five that were deemed the most physically inactive. According to the article, the least physically active states are Tennessee, Louisiana, Mississippi, Kentucky, Alabama, and North Carolina.

I felt cheated. Certainly my state should be on that list. I live in one of the nine states that has a prevalence of obesity equal to or greater than 30%, fer crying out loud!

I knew that my state is literally lousy with loafing, lethargic layabouts - but how could I prove it? I quickly rifled through the article's source material, State Indicator Report on Physical Activity - and upon reading the graph on page 14, my heart sank as I realized that my own state fell just about dead center in the category of physically active adults. I knew this couldn't be right. I felt that a great injustice had been done by this article!

And then I found the author's oversight... The source that the article cited lists more than one category of lazy, languid loafing! Whereas my state surprisingly seems almost halfway energetic in the category of physically active adults, we almost make it to the top 10 in the category of people that have no leisure-time physical activity! And that's a category that I can wholeheartedly say that I support 100%. Sometimes I am so inert, torpid and full of chocolate that I veritably hover between blindly stuporous and a persistant vegetative state!

Feeling somewhat vindicated by my scientific findings, I have created a a graph that displays these results side by side so that you can look up the the languid reputation of your own state. Click here to find out how shiftless and unenergetic your state is!

"Gotta Have My Bowl. Gotta Have Cereal."

No time for blogging today! I am too busy watching this awesome video of Rebecca Black singing the song "Friday"! I am happy to say that the mainstream media has recognized this amazing new talent [ 2, 3 ], and that the vast Youtubular public has seen fit to imitate Rebecca Black's amazing song with video interpretations of their own: [ 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 17 ] (I especially like this one and this one.)