Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Obama Club!

No time for blogging today! I'm in Shanghai at the opening of the Obama Club! (I must say that the portion sizes of the tasty hors d'oeuvres were a bit too small, but the many delicious desserts were sublime!) In the meantime you can watch videos of the many beautiful dancing girls grinding away to extremely dissonent and annonying saxaphone music. [ 2, 3 ]

Finally the United States has elected a president who understands how to improve America's image abroad!


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I Love a Good Monster Joke


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Senator Carl Levin is a Pottymouth!


Jimmy Fallon said that if C-SPAN records a congressman swearing on the senate floor and nobody watches it, does it really matter?

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Friday, April 23, 2010

I Live in Constant Fear of Killer Robots From the Future


The current headlines say things like "McAfee wreaks havoc with faulty antivirus update" [ 2, 3, 4 ], but the fact of the matter is that antivirus programs like McAfee, Norton, and Symantec products can actually cause more problems than they solve. They can act as a firewall and block ports to email programs and web browsers without warning, and most people don't know to check their antivirus as a possible cause of their loss of connectivity.

Their products consume far too many system resources, they have too many different products instead of one current version, on occasion their updates can cause problems and change email and other computer settings. When their products fail to work, their overseas customer service can be very unhelpful.

Some versions of these programs are written in such a heavy-handed fashion that it can be very difficult to uninstall McAfee, Norton and Symantec. [ 2 ] This has caused problems because most new computers come with one of these three programs pre-installed.

Some people swear by one of these three products, but I know for a fact how much grief that they cause for others.

One issue about antivirus programs that is not the fault of McAfee, Norton, and Symantec products is that if an antivirus program becomes popular, then people that write viruses, adware and spyware start to write code into their malicious software that is specifically written to defeat that particular program. It can actually be better in some ways to use a relatively unknown product that is ignored by the malicious software crowd. Also, many of these programs are free.

AVG is pretty good, but the new kids on the block are antivirus programs like Avast or Avira. I haven't tried either of them yet, but I heard that they were pretty good. I think that the whole subject is actually kind of annoying.

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Barry Lynn on the National Day of Prayer

Recently a federal district court struck down the congressionally mandated National Day of Prayer on constitutional grounds. Watch Barry Lynn of Americans United debate the issue on Fox News.

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See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil... Unless It is To My Direct Advantage, Of Course!

With the recent news that Justice John Paul Stevens is retiring From the Supreme Court I would like to formally submit my application for this position.

As the Minister of Science and Chief Defender of the Faith of Ape City, I have acted as magistrate in countless legal proceedings, many of which were directly related to the disposition of humans and their welfare.

Also, my forensic administrative abilities as Chief Lobotomist of Ape City will most certainly be of exceptional value in judicial matters of the high court, regardless of whether the issues at hand are statutory, regulatory or pontifical. (And I have it on good authority that 'lobotomy' is actually a code word for 'Activist Judge'!)

(By the way, in the photo above the chocolate cake on my desk was used as crucial evidence in an important dessert-napping case, and was not merely a delicious afternoon snack.)

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My Friend George Sent Me This


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Aisha Tyler Vs Ann Coulter


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Saturday, April 17, 2010

The Year Without a Summer

During a particularly snowy summer in 1816, Mary Shelley and her husband Percy were trapped in Lord Byron's house on Lake Geneva. Due to the unseasonable weather Lord Byron and his guests had to stay inside due to the cold. To pass the time, they had a writing competition to see who could write the best ghost story. Mary Shelley wrote the book Frankenstein.

Now, why was it so cold and snowy in the summer of 1816? In Indonesia there is a volcano that erupted in in 1815 called Tambora. Considered the worst volcano in recorded history, Tambora killed as many as 60,000 people outright. The Volcano also threw up huge plumes of smoke and ash that eventually covered the globe. This blocked out the sun and affected the weather.

1816 became known as the Year Without a Summer. America had snow in June, July and August. There was famine and crop failures all over the world.

So stories like this make me kind of nervous...

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Why Am I Not Surprised...


A recent poll has dispelled the myth that Tea Baggers are disproportionately older, lower income, uneducated, racist white males... They are actually disproportionately older, rich, well-educated, racist white males! [ 2 ]

But then again, Obama wasn't elected by rich white people...

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Who U Gonna Call?


This is from BAC over at Yikes!:

"Barry Lynn says it best in the opening paragraph of his op-ed: 'Why does President Barack Obama support a policy that lets a Baptist homeless shelter take tax dollars and then refuse to hire Jews, Hindus or nonbelievers to change the sheets or ladle out the morning oatmeal?'"

"As many of you are aware, President Obama has not only continued the 'faith-based' initiative program started under the Bush administration, but actually doubled the budget. He has also refused to rescind Bush's Executive Orders that allow faith groups, who receive taxpayer money, to discriminate in hiring."

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Thursday, April 15, 2010

Happy Birthday To Me!

No time for blogging today - It's my birthday! I was born in 3795 A.D., which means that I am negative 1785 years old! (Try and explain that to the DMV.) I think that I shall spend my birthday digging up some old friends. (Do you know why they put big fences around cemeteries? Because people are just dieing to get in!) In the meantime, you can watch this swell video of "The Adventures of Lil' Cthulhu". (Gosh, he's a cute little fellah!)

By the way, tomorrow the 16th is BAC's Birthday, so we are practically sharing the same shallow grave! Also, Tuesday the 13th was Texas Betsy's Birthday!

Banana Twinkies for everybody!

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Modern Marketing

As her popularity has grown my running mate, Germaine Gregarious, has increased her fanbase...

She has even gained a following in the all important tweeny-bopper demographic...

Of course, I have a few fans in the munchkin market as well.

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This Makes About As Much Sense As Anything Else, I Suppose...


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I Also Like Chocolate Milk

When I heard that Sarah Palin likes bendy straws [ 2, 3, ], my first reaction was...

"You too?"


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Monday, April 12, 2010

A Beautiful Young Girl in a Bikini Sunning Herself On a Beach Towel


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Filing Kitties

No time for blogging today! I am busy filing kitties. (Let's see... It's tabby before shorthair except after Tortoiseshell... Darn! I always forget the rule about polydactyls!) In the meantime you can read this swell article about the United Church of Christ giving Glenn Beck some bible learning about the gospel. (Jeepers! I can't keep the cats inside the margins! And I think that I will need a lot more kitty litter...)

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Archie Andrews is Dating Valerie From Josie and the Pussycats!

Archie Andrews is dating Valerie from Josie and the Pussycats! [ 2, 3, 4 ]

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Wednesday, April 07, 2010

I'm Still Eating Easter Candy

Easter may be over for the rest of us...

But for some the carnage continues.

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How to Defend Yourself Against the Attack of a Giant Bunny

After Easter there is always a danger of Giant Bunnies...

Luckily, Aquaman and Comic Treadmill provide the solution to the question of what to do when attacked by a giant rabbit...


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How To Lick a Bowl


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Saturday, April 03, 2010

Jesus Convention


No time for blogging today! I am busy getting ready for Easter by coloring hard boiled eggs, biting the ears off of chocolate bunnies and nuking Peeps! (Jeepers! Who knew that celebrating the reanimation of the dead involved so many delicious treats!) In the meantime you can read this swell Easter comic book that I made a few years ago, Jesus Convention.

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What Easter is Really About...

I have my own own unique opinion of god. I think that mankind made a fundamental error when he created a differentiation between the words "god" and "universe". all of man's confusion on the subject of religion could be cleared up if we removed the bias that the usage of two different words for the same subject has caused. If there was only one word for god and the universe, then nobody would argue about it.

Think about it. Scientists, philosophers and theologians would all be studying the same thing! All dogma would be erased because our concept of god would not be separate from the universe. It would all be one concept. If there were not two different words to differentiate between the two ideas, you wouldn't be able to argue about it. There wouldn't be any words to use.

And instead of telling our chidren horror stories about the Holy Church of the Gooey Death and the Zombie Resurrection, we would instead concentrate on the philosophy that Jesus and other religious leaders have preached about how it is probably not really a good idea to spend your life being an asshole.

And then we could all concentrate on what Easter should really be about...


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Blog Against Theocracy is This Weekend!

I have assigned my army of virtuous, god-fearing marshmallow theologians to remind you that Blue Gal's Blog Against Theocracy is this Easter Weekend, April 3-4! This is a subject that is truly close to my heart. As both the Minister of Science and the Chief Defender of the Faith of Ape City, I'm all about theocracy, baby!

Hallelujah! Wearing the officially sanctified royal purple dye #2 sugar coating, these pious Peeps are filled with sugar, corn syrup, gelatin, and the rich creamy goodness of the Almighty, Omnipotent Marshmallow Filling! All hail their Holy Peepness! Hallowed be the joyous delight of their divine confectionery squishyness.

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The Awful Things That Rabbits Do


The rabbit has a charming face:
Its private life is a disgrace.
I really dare not name to you
The awful things that rabbits do.
- Anonymous

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Thursday, April 01, 2010

'Celebrity Cribs' With Rush Limbaugh

Bask in the splendor and glory of Rush Limbaugh's $13.95 million Fifth Avenue chateau in the sky! [ 1, 2, 3, 4 ] Once can just imagine Mr. Limbaugh staggering around in the wee hours of the morning in his bathrobe and slippers, screaming for the maid to bring him some more Oxycontin and Diet Coke.

Always one to eschew those that are 'elitist', Mr. Limbaugh is truly a man of the people. This humble manor is clearly the home of a stout-hearted manly 'man's man'. Imagine Mr. Limbaugh contemplating his hatred of homosexuals as wee cherubs blow him kisses from the corners of the bedroom ceiling!

Mr. Limbaugh's gilded manor is the perfect honey trap for any woman who swoons over silk Damask, gold leaf moldings, herringbone mahogany flooring, and Liberace-style trompe l'oeil murals.

A chandelier in the dinning room? But of course! But then you might think that it's odd that he also has a chandelier in the guest bedroom, but this is explained by the fact that he also has a chandelier in the bathroom - it all balances out you see, in a very geriatric drag queen sort of way.


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Calling All Monsters!

The only thing that can save us from Obama's plans for offshore oil drilling is a giant monster from an ancient Japanese science fiction movie! I am against this latest Obama move, just as I was against the $8.3 billion loan guarantee to build a new nuclear power plant, but I think that I'll reserve judgement for the time being. (He did get the health care bill passed.) Maybe he is just playing along for now and is planning on pulling out the aces when the time is right.

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Cake vs. Pie

Personally, I heavily favor cake. Chocolate cake, specifically.

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