Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Friday, November 30, 2007

Dr. Zaius and Germaine Gregarious' First Official Press Conference, With Sandra Lou!



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Thursday, November 29, 2007

Creepy Search Terms

Every now and then your counter reveals that someone has being using some rather creepy search terms ...

This is the offending search term...

I have already contacted the Hayley Mills Celebratory Complex. The only thing that we can do now is wait...

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Further Evidence of the Coming of the Great Apeocolypse

Further evidence of the coming of the great Apeocolypse. The face of the leader of my military forces, General Ursus, as revealed in spilled coffee grounds. The evidence is irrefutable!


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Did Anybody See the Republican YouTube Debate Last Night?

Did anybody see the Republican YouTube Debate last night? Mitt Romney cracked me up! He is going fix inner-city blight by instilling the "values" of his campaign. Exactly how does that translate into legislation, Governor?

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Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Do You Know the Way to Brobdingnag?

No time for blogging today! I seem to have become trapped in a Jonathan Swift novel. Jeepers! This is most disconcerting. In the meantime you can watch this swell video of Japanese girls in miniskirts and go go boots singing Meenie-meenie-GO-GO-GO! from 1967. Did I mention they are wearing miniskirts and go go boots? Holy "Tiger Tanaka," Bond-san! Meenie-meenie-GO-GO-GO! I also have two brief clips [ one, two ] that are compilations of bumpers that were animated by Junko Mizuno for the TV show Japanorama for BBC3. Fantasteriffic! (A bumper is a 3-5 second clip that is used in television to remind the viewer what program they are watching after the TV channel have presented several minutes of annoying commercials and plan to present a few more.)

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i am bossy

OK, who is not reading i am bossy?

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Yeoman Janice Rand

Yeoman Rand

'Nuff said.

Yeoman RandYeoman RandYeoman RandYeoman RandYeoman Rand
Yeoman RandYeoman RandYeoman Rand Yeoman RandYeoman Rand

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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Sleestak's Pulp Meme


I zoomed around the corner into the driveway of Mrs. Hathaway, and turned off the roaring engine of my 1956 Rolls CanHardly. The motor sputtered to a halt with a painfull gasp and fell silent. I climbed out of my car with a grunt and quickly buttoned up my overcoat to stave off the bitter cold of the winter night. The fog was so thick that I could cut it with a knife, but I used a spoon because I wanted to get every drop.

Moonbeams danced across the lawn flamingos as I advanced up the path to the front door. I was just about to ring the doorbell when a woman screamed and a series of gunshots rang out! I quickly looked up, and out of the second story window flew a woman's body, landing with a plop in the begonias. It was Mrs. Hathaway. I knew immediately that this set of circumstances was probably due to an act of foul play, as her body was riddled with bullet holes. Also, the begonias were ruined.

"Did I come at a bad time, Ms. Hathaway?" I asked, as I attempted to staunch the flow blood from her wounds with my monogrammed handkerchief.

"Who are you?" Mrs. Hathaway gasped, grimacing in pain.

"Oh, forgive me. We haven't been properly introduced." I said. "Call me Zaius."

This post is in answer to a pulp meme that was started by Sleestak over at Lady, That's My Skull. You can view the original cover here.

UPDATE: My Running mate, Germaine Gregarious, has created her own entry in the pulp meme. Yay!

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Just a Quick Note...


Just a quick note to point out that Samurai Frog has served over 200,000 customers! And Blue Gal has served over 300,000 customers! If you get a chance, stop by and drop them a message of congratulations.

While you are at it, DCup has awarded me the first ever Hawkeye Award, Splotchy has illustrated one of Jon the Intergalactic Gladiators many presidential dreams, Jess Wundren has the best Christmas quote ever, Angry Ballerina went on a scavenger hunt, Dr. Monkerstein tells a heartfelt story and has an awkward moment, and MWB has found some awesome Brigitte Bardot videos. Ooo-la-la!

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What Color Is Your Brain?

Your Brain is Full Spectrum
Your brain is all the colors of the rainbow
Of all the brain types, yours is the most intellectual because your brain is multi-hued.
You crave mental stimulation, and your intellectual prowess is peace loving by nature.
Your thoughts tend to be innovative and cutting edge, though many people don't understand them because your brain is filled with peace, love and crunchy granola. Your mind is made of rainbows and moonbeams and the hugs of puppies, kittens and baby bunnies.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about science, politics, and happy underpants. Your house is probably a mess, but your cat loves you.

Normally I don't go in for all of these online tests and their internet mumbo jumbo, but when I saw that two such fine bloggers as FranIAm and Freida Bee had taken this test, I thought perhaps I should reserve my judgment just this once. Bear in mind that I have taken these tests before, and they have always ended in badly in one way or another. [ 1, 2, 3, 4, ] I must say that I was happily surprised by the results. Except my house is not that messy!

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Monday, November 26, 2007

Wildlife Photoshoot With Germaine Gregarious and the girls of the LGPPP

No time for blogging today! I am busy photographing wildlife with my running mate Germaine Gregarious and the girls of the LGPPP. Hmm... I wonder what kind of cigarettes they're smoking? In the meantime, you can watch these swell striptease videos! In this first video we see a cosmic striptease. A beautiful girl on a distant planet is forced to use her natural charms to fend off the local wildlife. (Frankly, I am surprised that her skimpy outfit is able to protect her from the ravages of the hostile atmosphere.) I also have a striptease video that I got from Dr. Frankenstein, and a historic matrimonial medieval striptease. Who knew that photographing wildlife could be so much fun?

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Hmm... Some unexpected Results in My Fembot Experiments...



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Right is White


Here is a story that has been overlooked in the media. Despite allegations, it seems that Barak Obama is not the whitest candidate in the 2008 presidential election. But the real question is whether or not Rudy Giuliani's Grand Wizard costume is April Fresh! Via Oliver Willis.

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Sunday, November 25, 2007

Yet Another Way to Kill 20 Minutes

Soundboards are a good way tro kill some time. I love these things!

PeeWee Herman
Space Ghost
Star Wars
Archie Bunker
Austin Powers
Wayne's World
HAL 9000
Darth Vader
Dr. Evil
Mr. T
Naked Gun

Best line from the book The Phantom Tolbooth - ""It's bad enough wasting time without killing it!"

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Saturday, November 24, 2007

Bring Back Angry Ballerina!


Angry Ballerina has recently stated that she will no longer be posting on her blog, thus depriving the world of her wonderfully angry missives. I am hoping that this is just one of those Tinkerbell moments - perhaps if we all post comments on her blog asking her to return, then maybe she will spring back to life, just like in the movies! What do you say, boys and girls, do you believe? If so, go and ask Angry Ballerina to start blogging again!

UPDATE: Angry Ballerina is Back! If you have a moment, go say hello!

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Friday, November 23, 2007

'Twas the Night Before the Changing of the Presidential Underpants


Freida Bee has written a wonderful poem about the political importance of underpants! And there is even a line or two about me in the poem. I've never been in a poem before, and I have certainly never been lucky enough to be in a poem about underpants! Thanks, Freida Bee. Go check it out! The poem is called "'Twas the Night Before the Changing of the Presidential Underpants".

We must be ever vigilant... we can't afford to have an underpants gap!

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The Power of an Iconic Image

Well, you can't say that Santa did not bring you any early Christmas presents this year. I have always been a great fan of the power of an iconic image, and it is hard to imagine a more powerful picture than this brief moment on stage with Alberto Gonzales and the two protesting Florida students. No number of pages of caterwalling that is annotated, notarized and legal sized can create the impact of what one person can do with an orange T-Shirt and a magic marker.

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No Neocon Left Behind

Education in this country and it's needed reform has failed to attract significant political attention in this election cycle, and I intend to make it one of the cornerstones of my administration. I feel that it is important at this time to overcome the many obstacles to education reform, and thus I am fully committed to my new program to teach the foul vermin neoconservatives the error of their ways. I call the program "No Neocon Left Behind."

In my comprehensive new program, these traitors shall be interrogated and waterboarded reconditioned and rehabilitated under the tutelage of my academic orangutans, then my gorilla cavalry shall use them for target practice take them on a vigerous cross country run, and finally the neocon's dispositions shall be greatly enhanced by experimental surgery to the hate speech centers of their brains a simple medical procedure by my superb medical staff of chimpanzees. Education is the key to a flourishing democracy! Let's make the extra effort to train our neoconservatives properly.

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I'll Go on a Diet... Right After Some More of That Delicious Chocolate Cake!

Hey Monkerstein! Let me out of this thing! Oh dear, I am so stuffed that I can hardly move. I ate so much that I almost exploded. I feel like a bloated bribe from a Halliburton weapons contractor. What's that you say? there is still some chocolate cake left? Hmm, maybe if I gently massage my tummy, I can make room for just a little more... Two slices please!


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Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Thanksgiving at Blue Gal's!

Thanksgiving at Blue Gal's is great!

Unfortunately, Blue Gal makes me sit at the kid's table ever since that unfortunate gravy boat incident. (How was I supposed to know it wasn't really a boat?!?!) Oh, well. At least I'm in good company! Evil Spock brought a vegetarian chocolate-covered sweet & sour eggplant surprise, The esteemed Dr. Monkerstein brought his famous Crunky ala mode, GETkristiLOVE brought some Hostess Ho Hos, Ms. Gregarious brought the pan-roasted belladonna quail with sweet potato gnocchi, and I brought my appetitite! Scootch over a bit my dear, I believe that you are sitting on my medulla oblongata. Hmm... I wonder how many slices of pie I should have?

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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

He Who Rules the Underpants, Rules the World!


Underpants have always played a pivotal role in American politics...

Hilary Clinton is trying to fill her husbands underpants...

Rudy Giuliani has hunky beefcake 911 underpants...

No matter how hard he tries, John McCain can't seem to wash out the godawful smell from bathing in the moisture of George Bush's soiled and bloodstained underpants...

Fred Thompson can't even seem to fill a pair of underpants...

What this country needs is a change of underpants...

Underpants from the heartland...

Underpants that you can trust...

This country needs Dr. Zaius' Underpants...

The underpants of a new generation...

The Underpants of Peace and Love!


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