Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Things Aren't Always What They Seem

 
Click to enlarge
I am shocked (shocked, I say!) at the blatent misrepresentation created recently by the website Crooks and Liars. This brand of yellow journaism directed at Vice President Cheney is false and reprehensible.


A recent photo that was posted on the White House website led to some speculation as to what was reflected in the lenses of his sunglasses.


According to the staff at Crooks and Liars, the image reflected in the Vice President's sunglasses is Ann Coulter displaying her recently completed breast augmentation surgery as the latest stage of her ongoing sex change and gender reassignment surgery. (Soon her life-long dream of becoming a woman will be a reality!)


This, of course, is hogwash! Upon closer examination, you can clearly see that the the reflected image is merely Cheney's own hand holding the half-eaten thigh bone of a murdered Iraqi child that has been "liberated" by his good friends at Blackwater USA. Mystery solved! (Nothing to see here, people. Move along, move along...)


UPDATE: Angry Dave over at Read My Mind has also put up a great post about Cheney's sunglasses!


UPDATE:Christopher of From The Left has also put up a great post about Cheney's sunglasses!
 

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Beware the Lost Souls of...

 
The Pizza Pie of Doom!
 

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Amy Walter, Why Do you Vex Me So?

 

In the latest episode, Amy Walter and John 'something-or-other' seem to be overly kind to General Petraus during their dissection of the Petraeus-Crocker hearings and the "foreign policy creds" of the three presidential candidates. Ms. Walter even evokes Hayley Mills when she says that General Petraus is not too 'Pollyanna-ish'. (**sigh** I guess that any mention of Hayley Mills is a good thing.) Fortunately, they do seem to become a little more reality based in the last half of the clip.

Remember, Amy Walter is the Editor in Chief of "The Hotline" and has a weekly column in National Journal. She is part of a hoity-toity, non-partisan news organization that provides "Insight for Insiders" to members of Congress, Capitol Hill staffers, the White House, Executive Branch agencies, the media, think tanks, corporations, associations and lobbyists. This is the news that the stiffs in Washington are watching.
 

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Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Jeepers! Time Sure Flies When You're Wearing Happy Underpants!

 
No time for blogging today! I am far too busy forgetting that my two year blogoversary was a month ago! (Jeepers! Time sure flies when you're wearing Happy Underpants!) In the meantime, you can watch this swell video I picked out especially for Germaine Gregarious by the musical group First Choice, "Smarty Pants!". (It's all about the underpants, baby!)

I would like to thank all of my fellow presidential candidates and the many bloggers that have helped me make Zaius Nation what it is today, and I would especially like to thank Ms. Gregarious for her undivided attention to the wholesome, rich creamy goodness of my Happy Underpants.

Two slices, please!
I would like to offer everyone not one - but two slices of cake!

(Oh, and a special thank you to Dr. Monkerstein as well.)
 

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Try to Remember, That Kind of September...

 
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over
and expecting different results." Benjamin Franklin

...That is the upshot of Army General David Petraeus's testimony to the Senate yesterday, in which the U.S. commander in Iraq advocated delaying further force reductions until September at the earliest. bloomberg.com
 

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Oliver Willis IS 'Like Kryptonite To Stupid'

 
 

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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

The Blast Off Girls - Red Hot Tiger Kittens on the Prowl!

 
No time for blogging today! Germaine Gregarious and I are busy in the lab cooking up our latest political scheme. (Jeepers! I can't remember - Is that two parts Nitrogen and one part Glycerin, or two parts Glycerin and one part Nitrogen?) In the meantime, you can watch this swell trailer for the 1967 movie, "Blast-Off Girls!". ("jumping young teeny boppers get with it to the savage beat of the big blast! It's a riot of color, excitement and fun! if youve been wondering 'what-it's-all-about,' here's your chance ot get with it and ride it to the top! you'll have a blast! The Blast Off Girls - Red Hot Tiger Kittens on the Prowl!")
 

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The New Math

 
John McCain: 'I know a lot less about economics than I do about military and foreign policy issues. I still need to be educated.'
I think John McCain was being facetious when he said that he doesn't know much about economics. [ 2 ] I think that he has a keen grasp of the present economic situation in the United States.
 

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Chicken Soup for the Snarky

 
Tengrain has pneumonia. If you get a chance, drop by his blog and give him some chicken soup.
 

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Wiener Nation

 

For those that are pro-gun control, consider the ramifications of this story:

Orange County, Fla. - A 28-year-old woman in Orange County stabbed her husband during a fight that sparked over having hot dogs for dinner, according to a sheriff's office report.

Officers said Alfreda Van Bladel apparently had prepared a dinner for her husband, Anton, that consisted of hot dogs.

At some point, the man snatched the plate of hot dogs from his wife's hands, the report said.

The action prompted the woman to stab her husband in the shoulder with a steak knife, according to authorities.

Anton Van Bladel then alleged grabbed a handgun and pointed it at the woman's head and said he was going to kill her.

Both a knife and a handgun were recovered from the couple's home.

The husband and wife were arrested and face several charges in connection with the incident, including aggravated battery and aggravated assault. local6.com

Think about it - If the hot dogs had been armed, they could have protected themselves.
 

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Monday, April 07, 2008

Aldous Huxley on the Half Shell

 
No time for blogging today! I am busy helping Germaine Gregarious entertain Dr. Monkerstein. He stopped by the Lair™ unexpectedly, and while the girls were showing him around he had a most unfortunate misadventure. He accidently tripped over a hand grenade and fell down a staircase into an elevator shaft, right into a hail of bullets! (Jeepers! What a mess. I think that it's going to take more than club soda to get those stains out...) In the meantime, you can watch this swell video of the introduction to the film "Idiocracy". This seemingly innocent comedy clip is actually a eugenics promotional film!
 

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Mortgage Bankers Can't Pay Their Own Mortgage

 

The Washington Post notes that last year, the "Mortgage Bankers Association was thrilled to sign a contract to buy a fancy new headquarters building in downtown Washington." Since then, however, the group "has fallen on tough times as many of the subprime mortgages dispensed by some of its members proved dicey." The result is that the group is now finding it "harder than it imagined to pay its own mortgage":
Scheduled to close on the building in the coming weeks, the association will have to pay millions of dollars more than it would have a year ago when it contracted to buy the 160,000-square-foot structure — millions of dollars it is now less able to afford. [...]

Critics also see irony — and some justice — in this predicament. "They are certainly getting what they deserve," said Dean Baker, co-director of the Center for Economic and Policy Research, a liberal research group. "Mortgage bankers encouraged people to take out mortgages that were very risky, and the result of that was a large number of the mortgages went bad and caused mortgage interest rates to soar. Now they are the victims of high mortgage rates and chaos in the market more generally." Think Progress
 

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Truth is Stranger Than Fiction Dept.

 

Stephen Colbert: (On the danger of bears) "Bears are soulless, godless, rampaging killing machines. For years, ravenous bears have had free reign to use our woods as their personal latrine, protected by their 'endangered' status."

Glenn Beck: (On the postives of polar bear extinction) "They eat people! For the love of Pete, they're big, angry bears. They eat people. Not that I say we go out and kill all of them, but I mean, it doesn't seem to be a problem here." Think Progress
 

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Blogging May Be Hazardous To Your Health

 
In what was perhaps a tongue-in-cheek prediction of my demise, my friend Katy in Florida sent me this link about the hazards of blogging

In what was perhaps a tongue-in-cheek prediction of my demise, my friend Katy in Florida sent me this link about the hazards of blogging:

[...] A growing work force of home-office laborers and entrepreneurs, armed with computers and smartphones and wired to the hilt, are toiling under great physical and emotional stress created by the around-the-clock Internet economy that demands a constant stream of news and comment.

Of course, the bloggers can work elsewhere, and they profess a love of the nonstop action and perhaps the chance to create a global media outlet without a major up-front investment. At the same time, some are starting to wonder if something has gone very wrong. In the last few months, two among their ranks have died suddenly.

Two weeks ago in North Lauderdale, Fla., funeral services were held for Russell Shaw, a prolific blogger on technology subjects who died at 60 of a heart attack. In December, another tech blogger, Marc Orchant, died at 50 of a massive coronary. A third, Om Malik, 41, survived a heart attack in December.

Other bloggers complain of weight loss or gain, sleep disorders, exhaustion and other maladies born of the nonstop strain of producing for a news and information cycle that is as always-on as the Internet.

To be sure, there is no official diagnosis of death by blogging, and the premature demise of two people obviously does not qualify as an epidemic. There is also no certainty that the stress of the work contributed to their deaths. But friends and family of the deceased, and fellow information workers, say those deaths have them thinking about the dangers of their work style.

The pressure even gets to those who work for themselves — and are being well-compensated for it.

"I haven't died yet," said Michael Arrington, the founder and co-editor of TechCrunch, a popular technology blog. The site has brought in millions in advertising revenue, but there has been a hefty cost. Mr. Arrington says he has gained 30 pounds in the last three years, developed a severe sleeping disorder and turned his home into an office for him and four employees. "At some point, I'll have a nervous breakdown and be admitted to the hospital, or something else will happen."

"This is not sustainable," he said. [...]

Read the rest of the article at the New York Times,
and Blue Gal made a movie about it!

This is your brain, this is your brain on HTML - Any questions?

Stop the scourge of HTML before the scourge of HTML stops you...permanently!

HTML Kills!
 

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Sunday, April 06, 2008

He Will Be Back in 3978

 
 

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Saturday, April 05, 2008

This Lou Dobb Apoplexy is Brought to You by the Makers of Absolut

 

Swedish vodka maker Absolut has created an interesting ad campaign for their customers in Mexico. As a graphic for their advertisment they have a map of where the U.S.-Mexico border was before the Mexican-American war of 1848. LA Times
 

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Friday, April 04, 2008

Rachel Gives 'Morning Joe' a Maddow-izing

 

Rachel Maddow Shows How It's Done
Mika Brzezinski Need to Find a New Job
Barack Obama on Hardball
Obama on How to Get Out of Iraq
Obama on 3 A.M. Phone Calls
Obama Gets Personal
Obama on Civil Unions and Education
Obama Answers Questions From Students

Rachel Maddow just had a birthday on April first! Here is a great clip of her giving former Florida Congressman Joe Scarborough a proper working over on MSNBC's program "Verdict with Dan Abrams." (Formerly "Live with Dan Abrams".)

Barack Obama was on "Hardball" the other day, in case you missed it. [ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ] (After all of that endeless advertising, I completely forgotten about it.)

I also found a clip of Mika Brzezinski trying to make a humorous point about worthless celebrity news stories by tearing up the script for a Paris Hilton story, only to be upstaged by the childish prattling of her boss "Morning Joe" Scarborough.

(You know who Joe Scarborough is, right? He the Former Republican Congressman who had to leave office because one of his attractive young aides, Lori Klausutis, was found murdered dead in his office under extremely suspicious circumstances. [ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ] Now you can watch his hilarious antics on MSNBC!)

 

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Quadrotriticale is a Gateway Drug

 
I'll bet that you have never seen Angry Ballerina's giant stoned tribble.
 

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Thursday, April 03, 2008

Bush's Legacy: The President Who Cried Wolf

 
Keith Olbermann played this previously aired special comment from 2007 on his fifth anniversary show last night.


And it was just announced that Stephen Colbert won a peabody!
 

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The Lion of Judah

 
Jimmy Cliff "The Harder They Come"
Bob Marley "Get Up, Stand Up"
Haile Selassie I speaks!
Haile Selassie Speech, 1969
Marcus Garvey Speech, July 1921
Documental Rastafari
Haile Selassie Video in English
Marcus Mosiah Garvey
Haile Selassie I
Minibio de Bob Marley part 1 [ 2 ]
Holy Piby, Los Dreadlock y La Ganjah
Visita de Haile Selassie I a Jamaica
La Orden Nyahbinghi
Que es ser un Rastafari
Love and Unity y la Dieta Ital
Significado de Zion y Babylon
La Orden Twelve Tribes of Israel
La Orden Boboshanti
Visita de Selassie a Roosevelt
Apelacion en La Liga de Naciones

I would have no idea who Haile Selassie was if it was not for my brother. When I was in high school, my brother would play Bob Marley records (and Grateful Dead records) ad infinitum, and would spout Rastarian phrases and say that he believed in the religion of Rastafarianism. When I would ask him about the movement, he would utter the most ridiculous bilge, and I knew he was just making stuff up off the top of his head.

It was my sworn duty as a teenager to prove my brother wrong on any subject that I could, so I set out to learn everything I could about Rastafarianism. I went to the school library, but they just showed me tomes on Marcus Garvey. (Remember, I was still in high school. This took place at the dawn of time, before Al Gore invented the internet.) The librarian suggested that I contact a local seminary, and I later called them on the phone.

I can't remember who I spoke to, but the gentleman went out of his way to get me the information. He photocopied and mailed about 40 pages of information from religious digests that were extremely helpful.

Armed with my newfound knowledge, I was able to successfully tell my brother that he didn't know what he was talking about. (Ha! So there!) To understand the material, I unfortunately had to go look up some ***boring history related stuff*** about Ethiopia. (In the end, I actually found it very interesting.)

My brother has since turned to Buddhism, a subject that he is equally unfamiliar with. Personal mythology is subjective I guess, more personal for some than others.

To understand Rastafarianism, you have to understand the former Ethiopian ruler Haile Selassie. Some would say that he was immensely popular both at home and abroad, others would call him a despot. No matter what, he was a huge figure in history. Here is the short version:

Haile Selassie was the emperor of Ethiopia, considered by some to be the last sovereign "king" on Earth. He became the Regent and de facto ruler of the Ethiopian Empire in 1916, and the Emperor of Ethiopia in 1930. After Ethiopia was invaded by Italy in 1935, Haile Selassie lost power and was in exile from 1936 to 1941. He regaining his crown after the Italian army was expelled by the Allied forces. His reign came to an end in 1974, when a pro-Soviet Marxist-Leninist military junta deposed him, and established a one-party communist state.

Today Haile Selassie is worshipped as the living God incarnate among followers of the Rastafari movement, which emerged in Jamaica during the 1930s under the influence of Marcus Garvey's "Pan Africanism" movement. [ 1 ] Haile Selassie did not start this movement, nor did the movement start in Ethiopia. It started in the West Indies.

When Haile Selassie visited Jamaica on April 21, 1966, somewhere around one hundred thousand Rastafari from all over Jamaica descended on the Kingston Airport, having heard that Haile Selassie was coming to visit them. As I read in one account, pretty much all of Jamaica came to a grinding halt for three days, as the majority of the population left to see the Emperor. "This day, widely held by scholars to be a major turning point for the movement, is still commemorated by Rastafarians as Grounation Day, the anniversary of which is celebrated as the second holiest holiday after November 2, the Emperor's Coronation Day."

Because of his official rank, Haile Selassie was also the titular head of the Ethiopian Orthodox Church (see also Coptic) and, until his visit to Jamaica in 1966, "he had never confirmed nor denied that he was divine. During his visit he specifically declined to refute the Rastafari belief that he was God. [...] In 1948, Haile Selassie donated a piece of land at Shashamane, 250 km south of Addis Ababa, for the use of Blacks from the West Indies. Numerous Rastafari families settled there and there is a community there to this day." [ 1 ]

The overall dogma of Rastafarianism is very broad and loose, and there is not a lot of agreement among its followers. Rastafarian beliefs are less formulaic, and are based on a widely varying set of key themes. For example, different factions of the Rastafarian movement claim to be followers of Ethiopian Orthodox Christianity, Protestant Christianity, or Judaism. Different factions are called Mansions:

Mansions of Rastafari are branches of the Rastafari movement. Mansions include the Bobo Ashanti, the Nyabinghi, the Twelve Tribes of Israel, and others. The term is taken from the Biblical verse in John 14:2, "In my Father's house are many mansions." [ 2 ]

Rastafarians identity themselves with the ancient Israelites. they draw on a historical parallel with the Israelites slavery in Egypt. Pretty much the whole world is seen as "Babylon" - "referring to human government and institutions that are seen as in rebellion against the rule of JAH (Zion), beginning with the Tower of Babel." [ 3 ]

It could be said that Rastafarianism is a reaction to historic injustices, and all of the injustices of the past and present are lumped together into one evil that Rastafarians have labled "Babylon". Pretty much everywhere and everything that is not Rastafarian, Haile Selassie or Ethiopia is considerd to be "Babylon". Even technology (and thus the internet) is considered "Babylon".

Babylon was a city of ancient Mesopotamia, or in present day Iraq, south of Baghdad. The Tower of Babel is featured in the Book of Genesis. According to the biblical account, Babylon was the first city built after the great flood. Babylon built an enormous tower so large that it would have "its top in the heavens." However, according to the story the Tower of Babel was built for selfish reasons and was dedicated to a false religion.

God got mad and spread the population to the four corners of the Earth. Before God got mad, the people of Babylon spoke one language, and after he got mad he scattered everybody across the globe and made them speak different languages. "Babylon" and "Babel" are synonymous with confusion and misunderstanding. (Later accounts state that God also knocked down the Tower of Babel with a great wind.)

Although some of the language of Rastafarianism can be construed as "anti-white", it should not be dismissed as a "racist" religion. The group technically welcomes members from all races, and is by definition against racism and injustice.

Despite much of the pro-Christian information that I read about the subject of Rastafarianism on the internet now, most of the stuff that I read years ago was anti-Christian. For example, the lyrics of the Jimmy Cliff song, "The Bigger They Come The Harder They Fall" [ 4 ] refers directly to a belief that Christianity is a form of false propaganda used to opress it's followers by promising something better in the future in return for servitude now:

Well they tell me
There's a pie in the sky
Waiting for me when I die

[...] Well the oppressors are trying
To get me down, trying to drive me
Under the ground, and they think
That they have got their battle won
I say: "forgive 'em Lord
They no not what they've done"

[...] But I'd rather be a free man in my grave
Oh, than living like a puppet or a slave

A similar belief is expressed in the Bob Marley and Peter Tosh song, "Get Up, Stand Up":

[...] "Most people think,
Great God will come from the sky,
Take away everything and make everybody feel high."

[...] We're sick and tired of your ism and schism game
Die and go to heaven in Jesus' name, Lord
We know and we understand
Almighty God is a living man
You can fool some people sometimes
But you can't fool all the people all the time
So now we see the light
We gonna stand up for our right

The phrase "Almighty God is a living man" is of course a reference to the belief that Haile Selassie is the messiah, the living God incarnate, the physical and spiritual fulfillment of biblical prophesy.

Commonly held Christian beliefs state that Jesus is the Messiah, but biblical prophesy states that the Messiah would be an actual king of Israel. It actually makes a certain degree of sense; if Ethiopia is considered a modern Israel (with royal lineage purportedly going back to King Solomon, remember), and Haile Selassie was a king of Ethiopia, he actually fits the prophesy (in a certain sense) better than Jesus.

Rastafarian lore is a story of disenfranchisement, and all Rastafarians agree that there will be some form of repatriation in the end. "Early Rastafarians, following Garvey, maintained that the repatriation would be literal and physical, to Africa in general or Ethiopia in particular. Younger and newer Rastafarians, however, understand the 'return' in symbolic terms". [ 5 ]

The growing of dreadlocks is based on scripture: "he shall be holy, [and] shall let the locks of the hair of his head grow." [ Num. 6:5-6 ] Their appearence is supposed to imitate the mane of a lion, to cause "dread" in their enemies (the residents of Babylon), and serve as a "'psychic antenna' which collects and distributes mental energy: 'the shaking of locks is thought to unleash spiritual energy that will eventually bring about the destruction of Babylon.'" [ 5 ] (OK, that's just kind of weird...)

Although much of what Rastafarians preach may sound strange or foreign to an American, they are probably not any nuttier than other religions. Ganja serves as sort of an introverted expression of the Eucharist to Rastafarians. They have dietary restrictions like other religions. They treat women as less than equal like other religions. Like other religions, they think that they are the enlightened and everyone else is wrong. this is expressed in their own patois: They don't 'believe' things, they 'KNOW' them. [ 6 ] They have all of the familiar features, except perhaps that they not only preach non-violence, but seem to actually practice non-violence. This might change, Rastafarianism is still young in comparison to the more violent practitioners of non-violence.

One parallel I might draw is that the Rastafarian religion really has little to do with the actual agenda of Haile Selassie during much of his reign. Mountains of the Rastafarian information about Haile Selassie and his real or imagined significance in the world has been created after the fact, so much so that anything that the man actually did or said has sort of paled in comparison to this newly created mythology. In a similar way, the philosophy of Jesus might be said to have been lost in all of the mumbo jumbo of modern Christianity.

Anyway, this was supposed to be mostly about Haile Selassie, and so here is a longer version of his tale that I culled from a much longer Wikipedia article. This is about a fourth as long as the Wikipedia article, and omits many details:


This is the speech that Haile Selassie gave to the League of Nations, pleading for assistance for Ethiopia against the invading Italians. This is actually a remarkable speech, and something of a forgetten page in history. (By the way, the United States was not a member of the League of Nations. Republicans dominated The United States Senate at the time. They voted against the ratification of the Treaty of Versailles, thus preventing American participation in the League.)


The Rastafarian vocabulary gives some insight into their beliefs:


Unfortunately, I have completely left out Marcus Garvey and the "Pan Africanism" movement. Maybe in another post...

 

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Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Just Lean Back and Relax, This Won't Hurt a Bit...

 
No time for blogging today! I'm busy using my vast medical skills to perfom a much needed lobotomy on the United States. I'm going to save the country from itself! (Lean back and relax, this won't hurt a bit...) In the meantime you can watch this swell animated video of The Beatles singing "Within You Without You" while you wait for the sedation to take effect. (Now, watch the pretty lights and count backwards from one hundred...)
 

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What Was On TV Last Night

 

I was switching channels and I got sucked into the film "True Grit". I usually hate westerns, but I had to watch this one. The villian's name was Cheney.
 

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Jess Wundren is a Wiener!

 
You many already be a wiener!
 

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