Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Halloween Party at the Rumpus Room today!


Ack! My running mate, Germaine Gregarious, is having a big Halloween Party at the Rumpus Room today! She said that there will be Mai Tai's and Guacamole, and prizes for the best costumes! Jeepers, and I still haven't decided on a costume...

Ms. Gregarious said that she might go as a cowgirl...

Maybe I should go as a cowboy...

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The Strange Tale of Professor Xavier's Haunted House

This is the tale of what happened to me when I accepted Professor Xavier's invitation to his haunted house.

First the Professor took me to meet Jon in the "scary" laboratory. The punch and cookies were delicious! I had been hoping for some chocolate cake, though.

Little did any of us suspect that hiding in the attic was a foul creature of the night...

...A Monkpire!

Monkpires are nocturnal creatures that feed on the blood of young starlets!

Strangely enough, Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator's first reaction was to strip to his patriotic Underoos©. There are some things that I will never understand about humans. Imagine, a grown man wearing Underoos©!

Jon and his running mate attempted to stop the creature before it could drain the blood of an actress that Professor Xavier had hired to play Frau Bleucher, but to no avail. The Monkpire was too powerful for them!

As the creature changed form and advanced towards me, I knew that I had to think fast!

So I drove a streak right through his heart. Thank god for cholesterol!

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'Tis the Season for Boris and Bela


Samurai Frog has a great Halloween post about Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi. Check it out!

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Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Ack! I'm still looking for a Halloween Costume!

No time for blogging right now! I am busy trying on costumes for my running mate Germaine Gregarious's Halloween party! Everybody has to come in costume. Maybe I should go as a ghost, what do you think? Oh dear, I can't decide! In the meantime, you can watch these great short home-made 8mm monster movies to get you into the Halloween spirit! We've got Frankenstein Meets The Wolfman [00:27], Scream of the Vampire [00:33] and a Ray Harryhausen-esque animated Monster Shuttle Disaster! [00:32]


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"We're Not Worthy! We're Not Worthy!"

A special thank you to Blue Gal for all that she does for us bloggers. Thank you, Blue Gal!

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Count Rumsfeld Forced to Flee France


Count Rumsfeld

As pointed out by Jess Wundrun, Count Rumsfeld had to beat a hasty retreat from France to avoid extradition to Germany for his unpaid "parking tickets" involving cruel and inhuman treatment of detainees in Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib. Freedom Fry that, you blood sucking mofo!


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Cool Halloween Paper Models


Cool Halloween paper models - Coffins, Hearse Playset, Pocket Monsters and More!


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Musingwear's "Stretchy-Seat" Underpants for Republicans


Whether you are committing American taxpayers to pay obscene sums of money to Haliburton, or just destroying healthcare programs for our country's children - if you are a Republican congressman, then you need Musingwear's "Stretchy-Seat" Underpants to help you twist and conflate the truth in all of those hard to reach places. The facts are always stretchier in Musingwear's "Stretchy-Seat" Underpants!

Musingwear's "Stretchy-Seat" Underpants - for that extra-wide stance!

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Yet Another Candidate Succumbs to the Voice of Corporate America

The presidential candidate iSplotchy has offered himself up on the lobbyist's chopping block. If you are corporate pig-boy lobbyist willing to help a large chunk of cement and pipe sell it's soul for some of the tainted filthy lucre, visit iSplotchy's official point-of-purchase site today and join in with the other Washington lobbyists to destroy the soul of yet another idealistic mineral of the people. There are only 6 shopping days left! The iSplotchy sale proves once again that the road to the White House is paved with corporate greed and self-serving intentions.

Oh, and get your iSplotchy T-Shirt today!

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Saturday, October 27, 2007

More Than Meets the Eye

In a series of startling examples of highly impractical anti-crime devices, fashion designer Aya Tsukioka has created perhaps the coolest impromptu disguises ever.

To evade a mugger, Ms Tsukioka shows how her skirt can be reversed and quickly turned into a costume of a vending machine.

Although unlikely to actually fool a would be assailant, the simplicity and whimsy of the design is delightful!

A purse disguised as a manhole cover can be used to disguise valuables in plain sight.

To ward off the attacks of schoolyard bullies, a child's backpack can transform the potential victim into a mailbox.

Despite the fact that the disguises would not actually fool an attacker, I just love the fantasy and imagination that went into these costumes. To read more about Aya Tsukioka's creations, there is an article at The Age, and more pictures at Via my good friend Eli Lyons.

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Just a Quick Note to the Spammers

People usually like their smut to have a little more filth in it.

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Friday, October 26, 2007

Pay No Attention to the Bartender Behind the Curtain...

Ack! No time for blogging right now, I have woken up in a strange place and someone has stolen all of my clothes! This place is filled with strange monsters - I have already had to fight off a crazed robot with an axe and a raggedy zombie man who was asking for brains! (Jeepers, I am going to have to lay off of the mai tai's for a while...) In the meantime, you can watch this swell video about the King of Beasts!


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Happy birthday, Becca!


It's Becca from No Smoking in the Skull Cave's Birthday! If you get a chance, why not drop by and wish her a happy birthday. Becca has one of the best pop culture blogs on the internet! No Smoking in the Skull Cave is one of the first blogs that I ever read on a regular basis. I am afraid that I am no good at her "Guess That Movie Quote" contests though. Perhaps you will fare better than me! I am sure that she will start another one soon. Happy birthday, Becca!

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"Would You Like Jingoism With That?"

I still remember when the phrase "Freedom Fries" really meant something...

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Thursday, October 25, 2007

God Hates Velma Dinkley


"There's a very logical explanation for all this." - Velma

I am actually sort of embarrassed to admit that I really liked both of the Scooby Doo Live action films. All of the actors were perfect for their roles, especially Linda Cardellini as Velma. My life long crush on Velma has been brought to life!

Here is a link to a website that is devoted to Velma Dinkley, including some fan art, and here are some links to other Velma fan art: "Meet Velma", and "Pussycat Velma" and Pinup Velma. There is even a "Barbie's friend Skipper" Velma.

Now before I give my own recommendation of the two Scooby Doo films, I feel that it is important to give a "fair and balanced®" review. The ChildCare Action Project offers the Christian Analysis of American Culture (CAP Ministry) free of charge. Their "Entertainment Media Analysis Reports" are a detailed analysis of movies from 'Christian' perspective, "A service to His little ones (which includes at-home teens) through you, their parents and grandparents, in His name by His Word." You can read about how they arrive at their decisions regarding films in this brief PDF file. They use six thermometers to decide how ungodlike film is, each thermometer representing a different aspect of intolerance. That's right, you guessed it - they are from Texas.

This is part of what they said about the Scooby-Doo 2 movie:

Scooby-Doo 2 is much better than the original Scooby-Doo (2002) not only because of the measurably lesser and fewer issues of assault on ethics and morality but because of just a plain better job at film making and story-telling. To help you see the difference in the moral quality between the two films, following is a comparative display of the scoring:

For example, note in particular the glaring lesser content of sexually questionable material and imagery [Sexual Immorality (S)] in Scooby-Doo 2 as compared to the same for Scooby-Doo (2002). The thermometers reveal a score of one left out of 100 for Scooby-Doo (2002) and 77 for Scooby-Doo 2. Scooby-Doo 2 is noticeably more violent than Scooby-Doo (2002) but is less evil as revealed by the large improvement of of the Offense to God (O) score. I will leave the rest of the comparison to you. Confidence is high our readers are quite capable of comparing the scores on their own. I provide the above comparative display simply as a matter of convenience.

Here is a comparison of the holy thermometers that explain why God hates Scooby Doo movies:

I get excited every time I read this part! I had no idea how hot the Scooby Doo movie was until I read their little dissertation on the film:

The filmmakers were even considerate when the camera was viewing Velma from below while she was hanging from a catwalk -- she was wearing shorts under her short skirt. The filmmakers were even more modest this time during the more acrobatic scenes, keeping exposure of the girls to a relatively respectable minimum. About the most sexually suggestive matter in the whole film was Velma in a skin-tight red leather outfit trying to vamp it up to attract a man and the camera forcing the viewer to focus on her posterior as she climbed into a van from the side door. These matters of improved morality are of significant curiosity since the screenwriter is the same as for Dawn of the Dead, namely James Gunn.

There was only one use of the three/four letter word vocabulary and it was only a euphemism of a truly dirty word. [Prov. 22:11] There was, however, one clear use of God's name in vain but without the four letter expletive. There are a number of examples of crude and toilet humor such as Shaggy using Scooby as a source of compressed flammable gas and a bulldog barking in subtitles "Sniff my [euphemism of posterior]" at Scooby. Dart players throwing darts at a photo of Fred and landing one on his crotch could well have been left out. And one of the girls clamping an electric cable to the crotch of the metal clad Black Knight was a little gross. When Scooby ran between the legs of one of the monsters, the monster's pants dropped, exposing his underwear and some curvature of anatomy. A vomit shower given to one of the reporters was maybe more gratifying than offensive, but offensive crude humor nonetheless. [Eph. 5:4]

Of course it is the CAP Ministry's solemn duty to God to attempt to bring an imaginary character out of her imaginary closet so Jesus can scorn her right before she goes straight to H-E-Double-Toothpicks:

One issue I would especially like you to know about was Velma's comment about mysteries when trying to dodge a social affair with Patrick. She said "A mystery is my mistress and I must hear her sweet call." Why would a woman say she must hear the sweet call of her mistress if it were not intended to be a token reference to lesbianism/homosexuality which is subtly, almost invisibly becoming even more common in movies for the young (and public school programs). I guess it all depends on how you define "mistress." At least you know it is there. As always, we tell you about the content of films from a moral standpoint by His Word so you can be in a better position to make an informed moral decision whether a film is or is not fit for your kids and/or yourselves.

There you have it! The evidence is overwhelming. Of course, they are very even handed about it. As a parent, you can make an "informed moral decision" about Velma yourself, the reviewer has not colored the language in any way. Let this be a lessen to the ladies reading this - the safety of your immortal soul depends heavily on your definition of the word "mistress."

Listed as among the Offenses to God in their review of the film Fantastic Four was the film's depiction of "corporate underhandedness" - Though Shalt Not portray Ficticious Corporate Slimeballs as Dishonest in any way! And nothing cheeses off God more than the "Fantastic" underpants of Sue Storm:

Jessica Alba stripping to her underwear while invisible (the stripping motions were not invisible) then becoming visible in her underwear then invisible again with the underwear visible. The writers just couldn't resist.

The CAP Ministry provides this bit of scripture, Thess. 5:22, to explain why an invisible girl with visible underwear is bad: "Abstain from all appearance of evil." This might seem a bit vague, so they explain this by adding: "['Evil' includes all things that are sinful.]" This left me a bit confused - is all underwear evil, or just Jessica Alba's underwear?

The CAP Ministry's review of the film Labyrinth complained of "euphemism of the most foul of the foul words by a sprite" (Cheeky sprites!), "adolescent arrogance toward parents" (Shut your filty pie hole, you heathen!), "Character says 'Stop it. STOP IT' to a crying baby" (The babies of true Christians only cry on command.), and "camera angle to force viewer on private parts, twice." Really? Twice? Yowsa! I'm gonna have watch that movie again! Except maybe they are talking about Hogwart's filthy Lederhosen. Ick!

I actually saw the reference to "camera angle to force viewer on private parts" in almost every film that they reviewed, which bothered me. What if they have copies of these films that have crotch-shot scenes that were deleted in the films that I saw? I want to see some camera angles that force me to watch the private parts of at least some of the characters! It's funny how only the overly self-rightous ever seem to pick up on these juicy details - I guess the Christian Right does have more fun!

In their review of the film "Dudley Do-Right", the CAP Ministry states that they consider the concept of zen meditation and being "at one with the universe" is an "Offense to God". Even the film Flicka got a low rating for such offences as "teen arrogance at father, repeatedly" and "teen girl defying father's instructions, frequent". I am not going to watch Flicka though, because there does not seem to be any "camera angle to force viewer on private parts". (Drat!)

Even biblical films are not above scrutiny. The CAP Ministry worries that the movie "The Gospel of John" depicts "below navel skin - male," "suggestion of nudity under water," "adults in underwear," "drinking", and "murder by crucifixion". No, I'm not making this up. That's really what it says.

Considering their rather strong stance on these films (not a wide stance! definately not a wide stance!), what would the CAP Ministry say about a degenerate and ungodly film like Garfield? They state that the film depicts a "great fall with no consequences" (Wily Coyote is the anti-Christ!), "somewhat abrasive name-calling, repeatedly" (Rush Limbaugh must be Satan's Spawn!), and "crude humor three times (Garfield swinging his posterior)" - Ack! Whatever you do, don't let your kid see the swinging butt of a CGI cat!

That's not all though, the also list "dressing to maximize the female form and/or skin exposure (in a background TV music video)", "'gamming' (woman sitting in short skirt to maximize exposure of underside of upper legs) in background TV", and of course the ever-present "camera angle to force viewer on private parts". I don't know about you, but I'm getting hot just thinking about the Garfield movie. Move over Odie, I gonna get me some of that hot Garfield "lasagna." Two slices, please!

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YouTubing Scooby Doo Parodies

Scooby Doo Meets Johny Bravo
Jay and Silent Bob Scooby Doo
Jason Owns Scooby Doo (Adult Swim)
Fetal Scooby Doo (SNL)
Armstrong and Miller Scooby Doo
The Blair Witch Project Scooby Doo
"The Scooby Doo Project" Promo
Scooby Doo: Underworld

What could be better than watching Scooby Doo? Well, just about anything, actually. I have always liked all of the characters from the show and the general idea of the program, but I have not been able to watch more than five minutes of the show at a time since I was a little kid. Even for a cartoon, it is just kind of fluffy and silly. It is just too boring to watch, especially after they brought in Scrappy Doo. ***shudder***

That said, the show is still a highly visible plateau on the pop culture landscape, and as such is a potential treasure trove of parody possibilities - and I am just the guy to dig up those comedy nuggets of juicy pop culture goodness! Scooby Doo Meets Johnny Bravo was my favorite of those I found. Johnny Bravo is an infinitely better cartoon than Scooby Doo, but the combination of the two cartoons is sheer genius. The song that they play during the chase scene is great!

The Armstrong and Miller Show did a great parody the Scooby Doo phenomenon as well, updating the famous evening of telling ghost stories by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Percy Shelley, and Lord Byron during the Year Without a Summer to include the "Mystery, Inc." gang. Perhaps a little more predictable but still very funny was the Jay and Silent Bob Scooby Doo dream sequence.

Scooby Doo Dance
Giant Scooby Doo
pivot scooby doo
Kids Singing Scooby Doo Theme Song
Kathy Griffin Does Scooby-Doo
Scooby Doo Où es-tu? (French)
Scooby Doo Impersonators [ 2 ]
Scooby doo Christmas song [ 2 ]

Here are some minor examples of people imitating the characters and the theme song from the show. The funniest clip is the Scooby Doo Dance performed by a bunch of little girls in miniskirts and go-go boots. (They are all dressed as Daphne - there are no Velma's on the dance floor!) Somebody went to a lot of trouble to make all of those ridiculous outfits, but unfortunately the girls are poorly rehearsed. It is almost painful to watch.

Daphne the Unicorn
Me & Scooby-Doo Down by the Graveyard
I'll Be There For You" Scooby Doo
Scooby-Doo Mystery Mix
Scooby-Doo in One Minute
Scooby-Doo Live on Stage
Scooby Doo Live!
Scooby Doo 1969 Theme Song
Scooby Doo - Tiki Scare hula
The 13 Ghosts of Scooby-Doo
What's New Scooby Doo? - Hex Girls
Davy Jones on Scooby Doo
Scooby-Doo 2: Monster's Unleashed
Scooby Doo theme in Russian

The classic Charlie the Unicorn as Daphne is hilarious, and I quite liked the comedy cover of an old classic, Me & Scooby-Doo Down by the Graveyard.

Scooby Doo Word Scramble
Words can be forwards, backwards, up or down. Good Luck!
Mary Jane
Spooky Island

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Monday, October 22, 2007

The Plame Game - Kiss the Girls and Make Them Spy

Hopefully you were able to catch the Valerie Plame story on 60 Minutes last night. If you missed it, you can watch a clip from the show on YouTube, or watch the whole show on Crooks and Liars. They have some clips that were not shown on 60 Minutes on Yahoo, but you have to watch some commercials to see them. Nothing was reported that was really new, but it was nice to see the story reported as a general overview of the events that took place instead of being doled out in small portions as each new item was discovered.

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Presented Without Comment


Note to Mothers:
Exhaustion may be dangerous - especially to children haven't learned to avoid it by pacing themselves. Exhaustion opens the door a little wider to the bugs and ailments that are always lying in wait. Sugar puts back energy fast - offsets exhaustion. Synthetic sweetners put back nothing. Energy is the first requirement of life. Play safe with your young ones - Make sure that they get sugar every day.

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Sunday, October 21, 2007

I Trust That I Have Muddied Things Sufficiently...

Ack! No time for blogging today! I am too busy creating a mission statement, envisioning a new paradigm, and compartmentalizing my many levels of duplicity. I am veritably bristling with six and a half of the seven habits of highly effective people! Sometimes I am so amazing that I amaze even myself. In the meantime, you can watch this brief video segment of a TV show that predicted the 911 conspiracy. Creepy!


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What Happened to Clark Kent's Hat



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Saturday, October 20, 2007

Happy Birthday, Dr. Monkerstein!

It is Dr. Monkerstein's birthday today! Cheers the Birthday Kitty and I would like to wish him a happy 45th birthday. If you get a chance, please stop by Monkey Muck and wish him well. Two slices please!

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YouTubing Sleestak

Sleestaks Are Scary Song
Can Kahn Khan?
Sleestaks in the library
Sleestak Master Mix
4 Robots and a Sleestak
Coptix Karl Rove Image Hoax
B.O.B. - Reptilian Humanoids Expose
S'latch - Part 1 [ 2 ]
Lost Island - Part 1 [ 2 ]

For those that are not familiar with presidential candidate Sleestak of Lady, That's My Skull, Here are some videos that might help clarify any ambiguities that you might have about his origins.


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Presented Without Comment


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Perhaps the Greatest Paper Model Ever


Perhaps the greatest paper model ever, the Blues Mobile from "The Blues Brothers".

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Thursday, October 18, 2007

Double, Double Toil and Trouble, Dems Burn, and Republicans Bubble...


House SCHIP override fails. The House today failed to override President Bush’s SCHIP veto. The final roll call was 273 to 156, falling 13 votes short of the two-thirds majority needed. This vote picked up eight supporters from the original House vote in September. After the vote, Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-IL) promised, "In the coming days, Democrats will not back down and we will insist on providing health care coverage to these 10 million children." Think Progress

Speaker Nancy Pelosi: "The President's criticisms today only highlight that his Administration opposes the priorities of the American people and the New Direction Congress. While the Democratic Congress works to pass children's health insurance, to protect Americans while preserving civil liberties, and to end the disastrous Iraq war, the President chose to launch another partisan attack.

"The President's statements this morning, as with his past mischaracterizations about the children's health bill, distort and misrepresent the facts. The children's health bill is supported by advocates for children, leading voices of the medical community, enjoys overwhelming bipartisan support, and is fully paid for.

"There is no better example of why Washington is not working for the American people than the President claiming to seek common ground at the same time he is bitterly attacking Congress. Today's Presidential press conference perfectly illustrates who is standing in the way of progress for the American people."

Rep. Rangel: "Let me stand in a sense of bipartisanship, especially to my Republican friends, and to remind you that comes the next election, President Bush is going to be there at his ranch in Texas and he will not be with you at the polls. I say that because by that time, the truth will have caught up with the message that the President is giving, and most of you are using, to sustain the President's veto."

Rep. Shea-Porter: "As Senator Grassley wrote in a letter to the Washington Post, 'It's fine to have a philosophical debate over the merits of the State Children's Health Insurance Program. But opponents should be intellectually honest about what our bill does and doesn't do.' Despite this the President and a few supporters are still clinging to a series myths, distortions and spin to try to mislead the public. The president keeps talking about families earning as much as $83,000 a year. If this were true, I would have voted against this program. And as for the exception for New Jersey, the $72,000 was requested by a Republican Governor and approved by President Bush's administration."

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Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Election Update for October 16, 2007 - "I Am Neither For Nor Against Apathy"

Good day, voters! Dr. Zaius here, with your election update for today. My scientific team and I are just finishing up putting my bevy of beautiful fembot assassins through some rigorous exploding bikini testing. The campaign trail is fraught with many hazards and pitfalls, but in the end the eternal quest for power all boils down to one thing... Mindless prattle!

My running mate, Germaine Gregarious, has been hard at work spreading our message of a new hope for this nation. In response to a meme delivered personally by the lovely Ms. Freida Bee, she discusses seven of the many reasons to vote for her. Delicious!

With the aid of the many spies in the corporate espionage division of the LGPPP, Ms. Gregarious has revealed the failed and dangerous technologies of ENCOM, a division of the Yoyodyne Corporation. In response to Germaine Gregarious' warnings about ENCOM and despite the fact that Homeland Security has classified ENCOM as a threat to national security, Yoyodyne has issued some official talking points for their media whores pundits.

In between playtime sessions with Judy and Penny Robinson, Dr. Smith has dug up the dirt on Dr. Monkerstein and Evil Spock, as well as revealing one of the evil doctor's involving Abdul Alhazed's Necronomicon. Cthulhu alert!

Dr. Smith has also revealed his solution to the scourge of the giant Jimmy Olsen robots that are decimating our airwaves. America beware! These massive cub reporters are attempting to control the mainstream media!

In response to the magic underpants and abject jingoism of Mitt Romney's campaign, Sleestak has been suffering from Old Glory envy.

Now rubbing elbows with the likes of Fred Thompson© and Garfield the Cat, Sleestak is about to re-enter the world of the Hollywood elite. Yoyodyne has issued an official response to Sleestak that may quell some of the Sleestak fervor the nation is expressing right now.

The validity of iSplotchy's candidacy for the president of the United States, as his origins seem to have come into question. He is apparently an illegal alien! Lou Dobbs has already been contacted.

ENCOM has been experimenting with some different forms of advertising for iSplotchy. With the help of it's corporate masters, yet another candidate has succumbed to the seductive power of

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator and his intern, Jan Brady, have been spotted hitting all of the anime clubs in Tokyo, singing karaoke and spreading freedom. Jon has gained some points with the public by sharing some of his intergalactic exercise tips, but a recent intergalactic press conference did not go as well as planned, and an intergalactic scandal has ensued.

Jon's jovial Jedi running mate, Fluke Starbucker, has been hitting the Nesbitian campaign train. Watch out, Ted Stevens!

So far each of the candidate's reaction to Jon's invitation to a haunted house has gone untold, but I have a feeling that the truth shall be fully revealed as Halloween draws closer...

No shrinking violet to the pressing flesh on the campaign trail, Dr. Monkerstein has been lending the personal touch to his bid for the White House.

After Al Gore was awarded the Nobel Prize, Dr. Monkerstein has also finally been getting the recognition and accolades that he so richly deserve. Dr. Monkerstein has also been wasting hard-earned taxpayer dollars on failed ENCOM technology, has had a heart to heart with his namesake, and revealed that he is both pro abstinence and pro AIDS.

Meanwhile, the voters are really only left with one sound choice, Zaius/Gregarious in '08!


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