The CAP Ministry provides this bit of scripture, Thess. 5:22, to explain why an invisible girl with visible underwear is bad: "Abstain from all appearance of evil."
This might seem a bit vague, so they explain this by adding: "['Evil' includes all things that are sinful.]"
This left me a bit confused - is all underwear evil, or just Jessica Alba's underwear?
The CAP Ministry's review of the film Labyrinth
complained of "euphemism of the most foul of the foul words by a sprite" (Cheeky sprites!), "adolescent arrogance toward parents" (Shut your filty pie hole, you heathen!), "Character says 'Stop it. STOP IT' to a crying baby" (The babies of true Christians only cry on command.), and "camera angle to force viewer on private parts, twice." Really? Twice?
Yowsa! I'm gonna have watch that movie again! Except maybe they are talking about Hogwart's filthy Lederhosen. Ick!
I actually saw the reference to "camera angle to force viewer on private parts" in almost every film that they reviewed, which bothered me. What if they have copies of these films that have crotch-shot scenes that were deleted in the films that I saw? I want to see some camera angles that force me to watch the private parts of at least some
of the characters! It's funny how only the overly self-rightous ever seem to pick up on these juicy details - I guess the Christian Right does have more fun!
In their review of the film "Dudley Do-Right",
the CAP Ministry states that they consider the concept of zen meditation and being "at one with the universe" is an "Offense to God".
Even the film Flicka got a low rating for such offences as "teen arrogance at father, repeatedly" and "teen girl defying father's instructions, frequent". I am not going to watch Flicka though, because there does not seem to be any "camera angle to force viewer on private parts". (Drat!)
Even biblical films are not above scrutiny. The CAP Ministry worries that the movie "The Gospel of John"
depicts "below navel skin - male," "suggestion of nudity under water," "adults in underwear," "drinking", and "murder by crucifixion". No, I'm not making this up. That's really what it says.
Considering their rather strong stance on these films (not a wide stance! definately
not a wide stance!), what would the CAP Ministry say about a degenerate and ungodly film like Garfield?
They state that the film depicts a "great fall with no consequences" (Wily Coyote is the anti-Christ!), "somewhat abrasive name-calling, repeatedly" (Rush Limbaugh must be Satan's Spawn!), and "crude humor three times (Garfield swinging his posterior)" - Ack! Whatever you do, don't let your kid see the swinging butt of a CGI cat!
That's not all though, the also list "dressing to maximize the female form and/or skin exposure (in a background TV music video)", "'gamming' (woman sitting in short skirt to maximize exposure of underside of upper legs) in background TV", and of course the ever-present "camera angle to force viewer on private parts".
I don't know about you, but I'm getting hot just thinking about the Garfield movie. Move over Odie, I gonna get me some of that hot Garfield "lasagna."
Two slices, please!