Minister of Science and Chief Protector of the Faith

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Zombie Captain America

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He has Indeed Become a Comic Book Supervillian

Is there NOTHING that can stop him?
Think Progress has a great video clip of Secretary of State Colin L. Powell discussing Vice President Dick Cheney, as well as a link to what looks like a great article about the VP.

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The Cause of True Love Finds an Antidote

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Dr. Zaius has Become the Target of Virulent Political Snipes

Dr. Monkerstein hates puppies!
I am under attack from the Monkerstein political campaign!

Dr. ZaiusIt is with utter dismay and disgust that I post the following account of the contemptuous behavior of the Dr. Monker Von Monkerstein presidential campaign. They have been running a vicious and scurrilous hate crusade against this kindly old orangutan! Their message of hate has grown to a fever pitch.

I am shocked and appalled at their overt attempts to discredit the good name of Dr. Zaius. Most recently, the Monkerstein campaign has been trying to paint me as a Hollywood elitist! (I am actually a San Francisco liberal, just like the fair Nancy Peplosi.) In a foul attempt to paint an unkind and decidedly false picture of me, the Monkerstein campaign has been trying to claim that the completely innocent relationship that I have with Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton is something other than platonic. This is preposterous!

I ask you, do these two round-heeled trollops newsworthy celebrities seem like the kind of girls that would date outside their species? Hmm... Let me rephrase that. To say that we are anything but just good friends and working colleagues on the most professional of levels is just yet another example the moral bankruptcy of the corrupt Monkerstein Power Pagoda.

His colleague and campaign manager the Fearsome Frog has already stated quite clearly that the Monkerstein campaign will "brook no discussion with those who disagree with the Monkerstein!" Such an open disregard for the open dialogue of the Democratic process is beneath contempt.

It is fortuitous that the Monkertein campaign's neoconservative Power Pagoda Playbook has been exposed so early in the election process, so that the voters can learn early of his nefarious plan to rule the country with an iron paw. after so many years under the thumb of the evil Dick Cheney, this country can ill afford to have another foul dictator ruin this fine land with his despotic ways.

There have already been several reported cases of voter intimidation as well. This is America! We can't allow this sort of thuggery and hooliganism to take place! The Monkerstein campaign has also shown a total disregard for Catholic voters. This open contempt for a large percentage of the American voters can not bode well in their campaign's attempts to secure the will of the American people.

Somehow the Monkerstein campaign is comfortable stating with confidence that "the people have spoken with one voice and they have tapped me as the simian to run things," and yet the elections is not until November 4, 2008, well over a year away from now. Why is he so confident in making this prediction? The connection is obvious, the writing is on the wall, and something must be done! The Democratic Party and I only ask that you look at the evidence, and decide for yourself.

As a undeclared movie-star non-candidate, like Fred Thompson, Matt Daemon and the lovely and intelligent Angelina Jolie, I can only raise my voice in protest to this open disregard for the welfare and good faith of the people United States. Thank you, and good night.

Menkerstein Steals Candy from Babies!
Monkerstein hates puppies!

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Friday, June 29, 2007

A Full Hour of Pelosi Yumminess!

Are you tired of hearing about Paris Hilton, White house bad news and stupid defeatist crapola? I have the perfect solution for you!

Charlie Rose had Speaker Nancy Pelosi on his program Wednesday, and all of that delectable Pelosiness is now available to you on the internets! Just go to this link, "Charlie Rose - An hour with Nancy Pelosi" and let the warm comforting glow of Nancy Pelosi run all over you body. Imagine, an entire hour of sane, rational television programing!

Despite some stupid questions from Charlie Rose, Speaker Pelosi was eloquent and direct throughout. Rose even stepped on a couple of her punch lines, but she carried through like the divine Amazonian goddess that she is. I was absolutely mesmerized by the sheer Nancy Pelosiosity of it!

This was better than watching Countdown with Keith Olbermann, The Daily Show and the The Colbert Report combined! Just click on the full screen button and prepare yourself for a full hour of delicious Nancy Pelosi - she's the San Francisco treat!

But don't take my word for it. These are some of the comments that people made about Pelosi being on the show:

A great interview, one of your best. It was refreshing to hear a politician be frank, and yes, honest, to herself, to you, and hence, to we, the people. [...] I enjoyed it, made my day. Comment by Rachel

Pelosi is a very good speaker and communicator. I am so proud she is the first woman Speaker of the House. She represents women well. I hope that more women follow in her footsteps. Comment by Harrod

I stumbled on Charlie Rose last night during a deliberate Paris Hilton avoidance manouever. How fitting that in trying to skip over those who represent everything bad (amoral, cheap, phoney, trite, opportunistic and false) in American culture I found something honest-to-God good in the form of Ms. Pelosi. I have never before heard her speak and I am quite honestly stumped. I can't remember when I heard a political insider speak so candidly without buzzword, cliche or spin. [...]Comment by Sydney

Very impressive interview of a very impressive politician. Very refreshing leadership after 6 years of this failed presidency. I especially liked Pelosi's response that Bush - or as Bill Maher has called him "President Sh*t-for-Brains" - has become oblivious. That really sums up his presidency. Oh well, only 18 more months to go. Comment by W.G. Lamb

I find myself pretty much 'trusting' Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and her applied sincerity concerning Washington today [shields down]. In America she is a living classical, historical figure being the first woman speaker of the house, and I appreciate her deeply. She also arranges the political stage to make way for a woman seated as president, and America would be a far better place if she were seated as president today. Comment by Giovanna Louisa

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is the most outstanding political figure you have had on your show in years. She is brilliant, lucid, clever, and humble too. It's rare, indeed, for a politician to actually explain how our governance process works - yet she bothered to inform her audience. She's not arrogant. And she avoided trite phrases as well. Too bad she's not our president but the world is, at the very least, fortunate enough to have her in a key leadership role to prompt everyone to achieve consensus for the common good. Please have her back on your show soon. She's a breath of fresh, sane air!Comment by Joyce Walker

There were a few detractors, and I include some of them in the name of fairness. Nancy would want it that way, because she always listens to all sides of an argument - right before she pounces like a wild jungle cat!

Pelosi did not answer Charley Roes question most of the time. I am of the impression that she tried to reply oh how the House would answer. She gives me the impression that she is Not a Leader, but one that wants other people opinion. From this interview and other times she has spoken, I think she is the main reason that the Democrates and the President have a low approval rating. Comment by Jim

This is an interesting argument, the author is stating that Speaker Pelosi is responsible for both the low approval ratings of the president and the "Democrates". Kind of an overly wide swath that the author is trying to cut, in my humble opinion.

I listen to both Liberal and Conservative radio. I must say that the Liberal stations have the most hateful comentators. [...] The Liberal stations have hosts who make nothing but jokes about the President and other Republicans and conservative views. Comment by splashy

Oh, yes. If only liberal radio was more kind and loving like Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly.

Having had the opportunity to meet Ms. Pelosi as a fund raiser for a non profit cause, I can assure what Rose Show viewers saw last night was a cultivated stage presence and not the real Madame Speaker. To sum it would never want to be in a life boat with this self motivated pirana.

If she is indeed a piranha as you state, madam, she is our frikkin' piranha. Go get 'em Nancy!

Here is the code if you want to embed the program into your website:

<CENTER><EMBED STYLE="width:400px; height:326px;" ID="VideoPlayback" TYPE="application/x-shockwave-flash" SRC="" FLASHVARS=""></EMBED></CENTER>

But people should really go to the link "Charlie Rose - An hour with Nancy Pelosi", so they can watch it full screen!

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Yet Another Reason Why You Should Want Nancy Pelosi to be President!

Nancy Pelosi!

Nancy Pelosi should be president of the United States for a lot of different reasons, not just because the man holding that office right now is man that you hate. Nancy Pelosi Should be president because she speaks from your heart, and the heart of the American people. She agrees with what you want for the country, and she understands what the country needs to rise above the dire situations that we face today.

There is also another reason that Nancy Pelosi should be president, which I will explain below. I know what you are thinking - that she should be president because she has an invisible plane, a lasso of truth and can bench press slightly more than Superman. No, I am not talking about those reasons either. First take a gander at the following quotes from Nancy Pelosi. Count how many things that you agree with.

Nancy Pelosi's "San Francisco Values"

On Being a Liberal: "I pride myself on being called a liberal."

On the War in Iraq: "We cannot continue down this catastrophic path. And so we say to the president, 'Mr. President, we need a new direction in Iraq. Let us work together to find a solution to the war in Iraq.'" (11/7/06)

On Her Style: "If people are ripping your face off, you have to rip their face off" (Pelosi's approach to handling attacks from Republicans)…. "Anybody who's ever dealt with me knows not to mess with me."

On Tax Cuts: "[Republicans will] take food out of the mouths of children in order to give tax cuts to the wealthiest." (NBC Meet The Press, 5/7/06)

More on Tax Cuts: "The President seems to think the best way to revive the economy is to give more tax breaks to those who don't need them and dole out lucrative incentives that do not stimulate economic growth." (1/30/02)

Abortion: "Roe vs. Wade is based on a woman's fundamental right to privacy, a value that all Americans cherish."

Supreme Court/Alito: "Confirming Judge Alito will not only put our liberties and civil rights in jeopardy, but also the checks and balances in our constitutional system of government."

On Contrast with Republicans: "We cannot allow Republicans to pretend they share our values and then legislate against those values without consequence."

Global Warming: "When the Kyoto Protocol enters into the force tomorrow, the world will take a significant and long-awaited first step towards stemming global warming. Instead of stepping forward as the world leader on climate change, however, the Bush Administration is clinging to the role of world obstructionist."

On Gas Price Conspiracy: "We have two oilmen in the White House. The logical follow-up from that is $3-a-gallon gasoline. It is no accident. It is a cause and effect." (4/26/06)

On the Impeachment of Bush: "I said we'd have hearings on the war. We'd have hearings on the war."... "You never know where the facts take you, but the—for any President." (NBC Meet The Press, 5/7/06)

On Bringing Troops Home: "I'm endorsing what Mr. Murtha is saying...I believe that a majority of our caucus clearly supports Mr. Murtha…and let's be clear about what it is Mr. Murtha said, 'Yes, let's bring the troops home." (Press Conference, 11/30/05)

Now notice that all of these quotes are statements that you can agree with. This is the fun part - All of these quotes are from, a right-wing website. They are all quotes meant to stir up the Republican base against Nancy Pelosi and Democrats in general. The Republicans HATE Nancy Pelosi.

Now think about it - If Nancy Pelosi became president, the Republicans would go out of their frikkin' minds! They would be so upset that they would have to move to France, just so that they can be ruled by a conservative government! Think about it! A mass Republican exodus to France, all because of Nancy Pelosi! Freedom Fry that, Bill O'Reilly.

That's yet another great reason why you should want Nancy Pelosi to be president!

President Pelosi

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To the light, bloggers, to the light! And curse the pain.

Zaius Nation - Carnival of the Liberals!

As I have already mentioned, I shall be hosting the July 4th edition of the Carnival of the Liberals! It is a great honor that I probably don't deserve - but I have them fooled thus far, so I just might get away with it! Submit your post here! Time is running out!

Those unfamiliar with this online periodical can visit their website here. The submission policy is here.

The topic will be something along the lines of "defining patriotism," or something like that. That topic would be appropriate I would imagine, considering the date of the event.

Perhaps we could explain to the world that patriotism does not mean to blindly follow irrational leaders and ridiculous policies, but to follow your heart about what you know is best for the country as a whole. Patriotism does not mean hanging a magnetic American flag on your refrigerator, nor does it have anything to do with hating your fellow man.

Of course, this topic is broad enought that you could conceivably write about why you love cooking, comic books or blogging, and then relate it to patriotism.

To the light, bloggers, to the light! And curse the pain.

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Dick Cheney Jokes

Dick Cheney - Dr. Doom!

"Dick Cheney again this week was in the hospital. He was experiencing discomfort in his leg. And the doctor asked Cheney if he stretches. Cheney said, 'Are you kidding? I linked 9/11 with Saddam Hussein.'" --Bill Maher

"The Taliban tried to blow up Dick Cheney. ... He was never in danger -- at the time of the attack, he was safely asleep in his coffin. ... I just hope that this attempt on his life doesn't turn him bitter, vicious, and paranoid." --Bill Maher

"Dick Cheney said he felt terrible about shooting a 78-year-old man, but on the bright side, it did give him a great idea about how to fix Social Security." --Bill Maher

"Remember when the most embarrassing thing to happen to a vice-president was misspelling the word potato?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"According to the Washington Post, Vice President Dick Cheney is limping today because he injured his foot. Cheney said 'If you think my foot looks bad, you should see the old lady I was kicking.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The former chef of the White House has written a tell-all book. For example, he says that Dick Cheney, Vice President, his favorite dish is a dish called Chicken Gitmo. It's chicken bound and gagged on a bed of rice." --David Letterman

"Vice President Dick Cheney will have elective surgery or, as his doctors call it, a pre-autopsy." --Jay Leno

"There's a rumor Dick Cheney may run for president in 2008. If he wins, that would make him the first three-term president since Franklin Roosevelt." --Jay Leno

"We finally have a scandal in this election: Lesbogate. Bob Schieffer asked a question about is homosexuality a choice, and Kerry mention Cheney's daughter. The Cheneys are now furious at him. They say they are very proud of her daughter. They are so proud, she should never, ever be mentioned in public." --Bill Maher

"Dick Cheney wouldn't even confirm that she's gay. She just says that she touches her roommate in an undisclosed location." --Bill Maher

"Dick Cheney finally responded today to demands that he reveal the details of the Enron meetings. This is what he said. He met with unnamed people, from unspecified companies, for an indeterminate amount of time at an undisclosed location. Thank God he cleared that up. I'm ready to move on." --Jay Leno

"There are certain elements of the Bond lifestyle I have yet to experience, Jay, but I'm hopeful." -Dick Cheney, joking on the Tonight Show about being described in the New York Times as having a "James Bond-like aura".

I think that he means Blofeld, not Bond. -Zaius

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Thursday, June 28, 2007

"What's Cookin'" With Dr. Zaius

Hi! I am just watching some videos while enjoying a nice warm bath with these lovely native girls! I think that I'm ready to get out now, though. The water is getting awfully hot, and I am getting all pruney. I think that is entirely enough bath salts, my dear. What's that? You are getting ready for dinner? Jeepers! I hope that I'm invited!

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Yes, It's True, Henry Waxman Wears His Underpants on the Outside

Yes, It's True, Henry Waxman Wears His Underpants on the Outside

In a letter written to Counsel to the President Fred Fielding, Representative Henry Waxman, Chairman of the Oversight Committee, has stated that he has received information that the White House is lying about it's handling of classified information.

Last week, I wrote the Vice President about evidence that he violated Executive Order 12958 by blocking the National Archives from conducting security inspections in his office. In response, White House spokesperson Dana Perino said: "The president and the vice president are complying with all the rules and regulations regarding the handling of classified material and making sure that it is safeguarded and protected." She asserted that the only part of Executive Order 12958 that was not being followed by the White House and the Vice President’s office was the "small portion" giving oversight responsibilities to the Information Security Oversight Office of the National Archives.

I have received information that casts doubt on these assertions. There is evidence that both the White House and the Office of the Vice President have flaunted multiple requirements for protecting classified information, not just the section related to the responsibilities of the Information Security Oversight Office. According to current and former White House security personnel who have contacted my staff, White House practices have been dangerously inadequate with respect to investigating security violations, taking corrective action following breaches, and physically securing classified information. The Gavel

I suggest that you go to the The Gavel and just read the whole letter so that you can enjoy every delicious bite! I would like to point out a couple of the tastier items on the menu, though. Karl Rove appears to be one of the larger salad croutons...

This renewal of Mr. Rove’s security clearance would appear to be another example of a questionable White House security practice. Under guidelines approved by President Bush in 2005, the "deliberate or negligent disclosure" of classified information can be a "disqualifying" condition. Moreover, these guidelines provide that an individual’s response to a potential security breach may be just as important as the breach itself. Under the guidelines, a lack of candor, even about unintentional breaches, can be grounds for terminating access to classified information.

Under these standards, it is hard to see how Mr. Rove would qualify for a renewal of his security clearance. The Gavel

The main course sounds mouth watering, I am sure you will agree...

The Oversight Committee has been seeking to interview or take the deposition of White House officials with knowledge of these security matters since I wrote to former White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card about them in April. While I do not question your good faith in seeking to negotiate the terms of these interviews, further delay would not be in the interests of the nation. I am therefore writing to advise you that unless we are able to schedule these interviews promptly, I will bring before the Committee on Thursday, June 28, a motion to subpoena the relevant officials for depositions. The Gavel

An enteree that is so good that it has to be mentioned twice!

I do not doubt your good faith in proposing that the Committee consider interviews with other White House officials before seeking testimony from Mr. Card. But it has now been over two months and the Committee still has not been able to arrange an interview with Alan Swendiman, the Director of the Office of Administration; Mark Frownfelter, a former White House security officer; and Jeff Thompson, the former Director of the White House Security Office. This continued delay is impeding the Committee’s inquiry and is not in the nation’s interest.

I respectfully request that the interviews that the Committee has been seeking be scheduled without further delay. If this cannot be accomplished, I will recommend to the Committee the issuance of subpoenas at our next business meeting, which is currently scheduled for June 28. The Gavel

I can't wait to see what's for dessert!

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A Grade of 100% for the 'The 35 Percenters' First Video

Blue Gal, Manila Rice and the gang at the The 35 Percenters prove once again that just a spoonful of sugar will indeed help the medicine go down in their breakthrough video, "Dennis Kucinich is so Nice I'd Vote for Him Twice." This is a video response to "Kucinich Speaks at the Take Back America Conference 06/20/07".

When you watch the video, pay close attention to the great artwork and the great computer animation that Manila Rice has created for the new Blue Gal online persona. Excellent work, sir! Bravo!

I am unfortunately unable to share the same enthusiasm for The 35 Percenters choice for president, however. I will endorse any Democratic candidate when the time comes, but for now there is only one candidate that I would like to see in the drivers seat.

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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Finally Some Bad News That We Can't Directly Blame on the White House

Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster

China has overtaken the United States as world's biggest producer of carbon dioxide, the chief greenhouse gas! American corporations can now rest easy in the knowledge that when the Kyoto protocol (Which the US didn't sign) expires in 2012, they can just blame everything on China! Emmission standards? Those are for other countries, not us! via infidel753.

CO2 - Suck it up, don't cough it out!

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I’m Spartacus.

Shakesville is under attack! A denial-of-service attack! In a show of support for Shakesville, Blue Gal is invoking the ancient ritualistic tradition of "I Am Spartacus!" (You have to do it people, it's in your contract, page 62, paragraph 3.)

This all started as a reaction to an announcement from Shakespeare's Sister that she was bowing out of the Edward's campaign to protect him from the hateful spew from the right-wing troglodytes. Driftglass started an "I'm Spartacus" dance craze that swept the nation. Still don't get it? YouTube to the rescue. Long live concertive control!

I don't know about you, but Dr. Zaius is always ready for a toga party!

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Be Afraid... Be Very Afraid...

Where to find the truth about Ann Coulter
The propriator of The Republic of Sestakastan is a far braver individual than I am. He has dug deep into the foul recesses of the GOP's most despicable and loathsome secrets to bring you the truth about the most malevolent of the shrill practitioners of the dark art of necropunditry...

Read the horrific Origin of Ann Coulter!

If you dare...

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The Supreme Court: "I'm sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday." 

Bong Hits for Jesus, er... Zaius!

While the eyes of the media seem to be focusing on the White House Paris Hilton, many disturbing events have been taking place at the Supreme court. There has been at least some degree of coverage of the more whimsical aspects of the final ruling of the "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" case.

To rehash, In 2002 a Juneau, Alaska high school student John Frederick displayed a banner that said "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" off of school grounds and at a public event (an Olympic torch relay) and was promptly suspended by his principal. This provoked a lengthy civil rights lawsuit. Now the Supreme Court has held that schools have the right to censor non-disruptive student speech if it "can reasonably be regarded as encouraging illegal drug use." some legal experts have called this the most important free speech case in 20 years.

Dissenting, Justice John Paul Stevens wrote that "the Court does serious violence to the First Amendment in upholding -- indeed, lauding -- a school's decision to punish Frederick for expressing a view with which it disagreed." Washington Post

There are some great links to stories about this decision, including this one from Crooks and Liars. Jon Stewart of the Daily Show did a great send up of all of these decisions, but I have not found the video on the internet yet. Maybe Crooks and Liars will post it?

Five conservative justices are now in control of the Supreme court, Chief Justice John Roberts and Justices Samuel Alito, Anthony Kennedy, Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia.

The Supreme Court on Monday confirmed the contours that are taking shape under Chief Justice John Roberts.

Roberts and Justices Samuel Alito, Anthony Kennedy, Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia supported an Alaska high-school principal who forced a student to take down a banner proclaiming "Bong Hits 4 Jesus." They also blocked taxpayers from challenging President Bush's faith-based initiatives. Seattle Times

Wait, wait... What was that last part?

[...] They also blocked taxpayers from challenging President Bush's faith-based initiatives. Seattle Times

Little has been said about this ruling:

Alito wrote the court's opinion that said ordinary taxpayers cannot challenge a White House initiative that helps religious charities get a share of federal money.

The decision blocks a lawsuit by a group of atheists and agnostics that objects to government conferences in which administration officials encourage religious charities to apply for federal grants.

In dissent, Souter said that the court should have allowed the taxpayer challenge to proceed. Houston Chronicle

Roberts and crew also sided with President Bush and land developers over environmentalists in this case:

The U.S. Supreme Court sided with developers and the Bush administration Monday in a dispute with environmentalists over protecting endangered species in Arizona.

The court ruled 5-4 for home builders and the Environmental Protection Agency in a case that involved the intersection of two environmental laws, the Clean Water Act and the Endangered Species Act.

In the case, an environmental group challenged the EPA's decision to transfer to Arizona the authority to regulate pollutants emptied into rivers and other surface water sources. The group, Defenders of Wildlife, argued that the transfer violated the federal Endangered Species Act and would leave the state's rivers vulnerable to contaminants that could damage wildlife habitat.

In a ruling that will also make it easier for corporations to get their message out, Roberts and his posse ruled that Wisconsin Right to Life should have been permitted to run pre-election ads targeting Democrats.

A closely divided Supreme Court made it easier on Monday for corporations, labor unions and special interest groups to broadcast certain issue advertisements right before an election.

The majority opinion written by Chief Justice John Roberts, who was appointed to the court by President George W. Bush, said the law is unconstitutional as applied to issue ads that a Wisconsin anti-abortion group wanted to broadcast before the 2004 election.

The ruling was a victory for the group Wisconsin Right to Life, which argued the law violated its free-speech rights under the First Amendment to the Constitution. Reuters

This disturbing trend is not going to go away soon:

Presidential elections and judicial selections matter, the Supreme Court demonstrated Monday in a series of 5-4 rulings that underlined the court's move to the right.

President Bush filled two high court openings early in his second term with Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Samuel Alito. They wrote the main opinions in rulings that relaxed rules on corporate and union political spending, limited students' speech and shielded the White House faith-based program from legal challenge.

Five justices — Roberts, Alito, Anthony Kennedy, Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas — formed the majority in each decision. The court's four liberals, Stephen Breyer, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, David Souter and John Paul Stevens, dissented each time.

Kennedy, the only justice in the majority in all 21 of the court's 5-4 decisions this term, has voted with his conservative colleagues more often in recent close cases.

With its term rapidly nearing an end, the court has perhaps the biggest issue of the year still to decide: whether public school districts can take account of race in assigning students to schools. Many court watchers are expecting a similar ideological split, with conservatives limiting the use of race. Houston Chronicle

And what are the politicians saying?

Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards was among those who bemoaned the court's rightward tilt.

The court "is moving the right wing's agenda faster than we've seen in decades — slamming the courthouse doors in the faces of ordinary people, favoring big businesses over civil rights and undermining protections for women and the environment."

But White House spokeswoman Dana Perino said Monday's decisions included a loss for the administration in the campaign finance case.

"The president's position is that in any case you're going to have someone who loses and someone who wins, but we can all be confident that we have fantastic Supreme Court justices," Perino said. Houston Chronicle

What did Perino just say the official White House position is? That sometimes people win or lose, but that the Supreme Court justices are "fantastic?" WTF is that supposed to mean?

This is yet another reason why it is so important that we get a Democrat in the White House in '08. We must take back the Supreme Court as well. Fair-minded left-wing supreme court justices don't just appoint themselves.

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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Smackdown: Elizabeth Edwards and Ann Coulter!

On Hardball today, Elizabeth Edwards confronted Ann Coulter during a live interview, asking Coulter to stop the personal attacks on her husband John Edwards. Think Progress has a slightly longer version of the video, as well as a transcript of the event.

At one point Coulter denied having said anything about Edwards the previous day. What she actually said on Good Morning America was that she wished that John Edwards had been killed in a terrorist assasination plot. (via Monkey Muck.)

Here is the latest John Edwards television ad that is airing in New Hampshire, via Oliver Willis.

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"Burning Down the House" is the New GOP Theme Song


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Shh! Don't Tell Peter Parker That I went on a Date with Gwen and Mary Jane!

Don't fight girls, there is plenty of Dr. Zaius to go around!

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Summertime Book Review with Dr. Zaius

Everybody is blogging book reviews this summer! Well, Dr. Zaius has always been one to blindly follow the herd, so I shall review this book that I recently finished, "The Manatee," by Nancy Bruff. I was actually disappointed in this book. It is the tepid tale of a love triangle between a crusty sea pirate, a lonely widow and an endangered aquatic marine mammal.

Trust me, the old girl really put the "cow" in sea cow, and I'm not talking about the manatee! There was a rather exciting scene where the evil sea monkeys stormed the local grocery store and demanded both paper and plastic, but on the whole I found the book was rather disappointing.

The worst part of the book? No lesbian pirates! For a frank and adult discussion of the love between humans and aquatic marine mammals, might I instead suggest this refreshing website, Horny Manatee.

Some other great links:

This is really fun to watch! a video of MSNBC’s David Shuster Grilling A Cheney Apologist. Yay!

Watch a video of Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-IL) announce that the upcoming Vote to defund Cheney’s office to be held this week.

Bookmark this! Comedy Central starts new blog, indecision 2008 Blog, via Crooks and Liars

The Media Thinks you are a Moron! An Associated Press headline reads: "World Awaits Paris Hilton’s Return." The only thing about Paris Hilton that I am "awaiting" is for her to get off my freaking TV set! The commercials are more interesting that news about Paris Hilton. Also, CNN canceled its interview with Michael Moore about his new health care documentary SiCKO to interview Hotel heiress and reality TV star Paris Hilton. Curses! This is why president Bush gave Hilton the Presidential Medal of Freedom!

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Mitt Romney Wants to Show Ann Coulter His Special Mormon Underpants

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Monday, June 25, 2007

My Pet Possum

Liberality wrote such a great comment for the raccoon story that I thought I would related this possum tale. And Becca, I did in fact take this photo.

One of the many places that I lived at in California had a sliding glass door that led out into a fenced patio with a cement floor. It was about the size of a pack of matches. I can't imagine why anyone would go to all of the trouble to make such a small patio in the first place, but there it was.

I had two feral cats that I got from my ex-girlfriend, and I thought it would be a great idea to keep the sliding glass door open just enough for them to come and go. I cut a board to keep the door from opening any further than about eight inches, and also put in a kind of hasp that blocked the door also. The fence around the patio was like six feet tall, so I didn't figure anybody could get in without some degree of effort.

This worked out fine for a while, the cats could come an go as they pleased. One night I was in bed reading, and I looked up and there was this baby possum awkwardly shuffling his way across the living room. He stopped and stood stock still for a moment, like he knew I was watching him.

I didn't move or a make a sound, and he began again to waddle towards the kitchen and proceeded to eat the dry cat food! I was kind of shocked, but I didn't stop him because he was cute and kind of dorky looking. Then he left.

This went went on for while, this possum coming in every other night or so to eat, and then leaving. The cats didn't seem to have any problem with him, they would just sort of watch him go by as he walked in. Eventually he started hanging out. He would sit in the corner, or walk around look at things. Eventually I was able to pet him! he was very friendly.

The cats used to like to sit on the fence that went around the tiny patio and watch the world go by. I would come home and they would be up on the top of the fence staring at me. Several times the possum would be up there too! I think he wanted to be a cat.

He kept getting bigger and bigger very quickly. He reached a point where it was hard for him to get in the door, he would have squeeze his way through. He got so big that I think that the cats were a little afraid of him, but I never saw him do any thing mean to them. It was funny when he was big and up on the fence! He looked like he was unsteady and kind of uncomfortable, and his girth hung over each end of the top of the fence. Possums are not built like cats, so I have no idea how he would get up there.

I never really gave him a name or anything. He was just this frequent visitor. Possums seem really funny looking, but when you see them up close they are even funnier looking than you thought! Their eyes and their nostril look like something from outer space. And those teeth! They kind of have some drooling issues as well.

I had to move when they decided to renovate the apartments so that they could jack up the rent, so after I moved I never saw my possum again.

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Sunday, June 24, 2007

The winner for the "Name the new fourth branch of government" has been chosen!


Just scant moment ago I recieve a special message from Jess Wundrun via Batmail the winner for the "Name the new fourth branch of government that exists in the mind of Darth Cheney" has been chosen! This is what Jess has decided:

No Prize!No fair making me judge the contest! While I must say that my ab fab name for the new branch is Phydeaux's "The so full of shite that you can't believe that anyone could possibly take it seriously, but there is, in front of you, smelling like something that the cat (no offense to felines) threw up five weeks ago branch", its acronym is difficult even by our government standards.

Therefore, I would make the Unconstitutional Branch by Infidel first runner-up. It fits perfectly with the mission of Dick's new branch of government and because it is true and honest can never actually be the real name.

So that leaves The Ministry of Truth by Tengrain. Yay. It is an ironic lie and thus fits Dick perfectly.

What fun. What pressure. What great entries!

So The Ministry of Truth by Tengrain is the winner! Each of the fianlists will recieve our fabulous Dr. Zaius NO PRIZE! I would like to thank Jess for coming up with the idea for the contest and acting as the contest's judge, as well as all who participated. Yay!

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The Omnipotent Poobah is Psychic, and Cheney says the Chicks Dig the Tentacles

Dick Cheney - Cthulhu Boy!

Illinois Representative Rahm Emanuel has gotten the bright idea to cut the executive branch funding for Vice President Ctuhlu Boy's Dick Cheney's office:

Rahm EmanuelWashington, D.C. House Democratic Caucus Chairman Rahm Emanuel issued the following statement regarding his amendment to cut funding for the Office of the Vice President from the bill that funds the executive branch. The legislation -- the Financial Services and General Government Appropriations bill -- will be considered on the floor of the House of Representatives next week.

"The Vice President has a choice to make. If he believes his legal case, his office has no business being funded as part of the executive branch. However, if he demands executive branch funding he cannot ignore executive branch rules. At the very least, the Vice President should be consistent. This amendment will ensure that the Vice President's funding is consistent with his legal arguments. I have worked closely with my colleagues on this amendment and will continue to pursue this measure in the coming days." Talking Points Memo

I think that it is safe to say that the Omnipotent Poobah was feeling a little extra Omnipotent when he said this on Friday, the day before the post above:

So here’s my proposal. Congress should pass a 100% bipartisan measure that would strip the office of the Vice President of every penny in it’s budget and refuse to budget additional funds for you until the end of time. It’s a simple as this:

If you want to be an Imperial Prick, pay for it out of your own pocket. I’m sure you have the money. No wait! I don’t either. You refuse to divulge such information to anyone, including presumably, the IRS - a department within the Executive branch you apparently don’t belong to and whose laws you apparently can ignore with impunity. The Omnipotent Poobah

Holy crap! Call the Amazing Randi! The Poobah is psychic! Or at the very least, great minds seem to work alike.

UPDATE: Here is a link that Infidel753 provided, "Cheneying Cheney". I couldn't remember where I put it!

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Trust Me, I'm a Lobotomist, I Know All About Brains


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Saturday, June 23, 2007

Jess Wundrun Contest: Name Dick Cheney's Fourth Branch of Government

Dick Cheney has in essence created a fourth branch of government

Jess WundrunJess Wundrun wants to have contest! Now that Vice President Dick Cheney has decided that his office is not part of the the executive branch of the United States government, he has in essence created a fourth branch of government.

So in the words of Jess, the rules of the contest are this: "Name the new fourth branch of government (location-undisclosed) that exists in the mind of Darth Cheney. There's executive, legislative, judicial and.....asshatistial? skullduggerandoodle?" So there you have it!

Wait, wait...


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The GOP Girls!

The GOP Girls!

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Racoon Disaster

Baby raccoon

The strangest thing happened to me yesterday morning. I heard this strange noise like a bird arguing with itself, and it sounded like it was coming from right outside the wall. I went outside to look, and found a baby raccoon hanging by it's hind leg from a space between two boards on the second floor of my house.

It looked like the baby raccoon had been trying to climb straight down the wall! I have no idea what really happened, but it was very comedic and deeply pathetic at the same time. The whole of the little guy's weight was being borne by his right ankle. There was nowhere for him to hold on to anything, so he just held his front paws out in the air in front of him. I got the feeling he had been there for quite a while because he looked exhausted.

I quickly got the ladder and a hoe and tried to free him. I found that if I pushed apart the boards that held his paw, he just sank deeper into the vee shape they created. The baby raccoon at this point is screaming bloody murder, and the ladder is kind of rickety and everything is situated in such way that I have lean way over to reach the little monster.

I ran and got a extension pole for a paint roller and tried again, this time prying the boards apart wih a hoe and pushing up under the baby raccoon with the extension pole. The baby raccoon is doing his best impression of Linda Blair in "The Exorcist" at this point, and I am swearing under my breath and it all seems hopeless until finally he falls to the ground with a resounding thud at the base of the ladder. He is breathing but not really moving. I get off the ladder and put the tools away and go and talk to him for a little while. Eventually he hobbles over to the shed where I keep my garbage can and climbs under the door. he was dragging his right rear paw behind him sole up, like it was broken. (But I don't really know, maybe it was just numb from the ordeal.)

I didn't know what to do, so I brought him some dry cat food and some wet cat food and just left him alone. I checked on him periodically, and he just glared at me from the corner of the shed. He did still have an appetite though, which I took as a good sign. He ate all of the food I gave him right away. I fed him again later, and he ate that too.

And now I don't know what to do. I can't call the Humane Society because they will just put him down, and I can't keep him. I hate those impossible situations that spring up out of nowhere and disrupt all of the other impossible situations I am already knee deep in.

With a little luck he will feeling well enough to find his way home tonight. I'll check on him in the morning.

Baby raccoon

UPDATE: The baby raccoon has left, the shed was empty this morning. I hope he finds his mom!

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Friday, June 22, 2007

"Gaaa" is a Verb


The tag team of DCup and Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein have both been talking this morning about a particular post by Angry Ballerina, "Wolf sees sheep. Sheep runs. Gets eaten."

In light of this and in the true spirit of one-upmanship, I feel compelled to point out that there are many other fine posts at this blog. The one titled "Blue's little monster" was perhaps a more moving story, whereas "Dearest Baby Blue" was probably a neater and cleaner stroke of unbridled venom.

Still, in my mind the most interesting piece and my personal favorite to come out of this blog as of late would have to be the post about Angry's dream about zombies that didn't actually have any zombies in it, "Blue likes the light." The imagery is haunting - not because it is frightening, but because it is compelling.

BTW, did you see what she did to Evil Spock's new Twitter thingie? Ha! That'll learn him.


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Friday Night Cat Blogging - Streaky the Super Cat is One Bad Mofo 

Streaky the Super Cat is a Badass Mofo

Streaky the Super Cat is the Pet of Supergirl, AKA Linda Danvers. Streaky is not from Krypton, but is an ordinary house cat from Earth. Supergirl was trying to create a cure for Kryptonite poisoning, and accidently exposed her pet cat Streaky to one of her experiments, a derivitive of Kryptonite that she created called Kryptonite-X. This new substance gave Streaky the Supercat powers far beyond those of mere mortal cats.

Supergirl tried to dispose of the Kryptonite-X, but Streaky was too smart for her. The chunk of Kryptonite-X now resides in Streaky's yarn ball. Streaky's super powers are only temporary, so he must recharge his powers with the Kryptonite-X every so often. Supergirl does not know about the Kryptonite-X in Streaky's yarn ball, nor his need to recharge his super powers. It would seem that cats from Earth are smarter than people from Krypton.

Streaky the Super Cat is a Badass Mofo
~ Click on Streaky to read his origin ~

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Dick Cheney Has Now Officially Been Declared a Sovereign Country

Vice President Dick Cheney has exempted his office from a presidential executive order that seeks to protect national security information generated by the government, according to the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. He has also tried to abolish a government office charged with safeguarding national security information.

"Your decision to except your office from the president's order is problematic because it could place national security secrets at risk," said Henry Waxman, chairman of the oversight committee, in a letter to the vice president sent Thursday. (06/21/07)

Cheney's claim that his office is not part of the executive branch would seem to indicate that he feels that he is not accountable to anyone, even the president.

Crooks and Liars has the video of the analysis from Countdown with Keith Olbermann. Yahoo has a good article on the subject.

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Special Dick Cheney Origin Issue


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Goofus and Gallant

Goofus and Gallant

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The Big Cheese Stands Alone


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"Changing Rooms" with Carol Smillie - Special Ape City Episode

Changing Rooms with Carol Smillie - Special Ape City Episode
Changing Rooms with Carol Smillie - Special Ape City EpisodeI am very upset! The BBC home-decorating television program Changing Rooms is going to have a special episode set in Ape City, and they didn't choose me to be one of the guests! I can understand why they chose Zira and Cornelius, but why in heavens name would the pick General Ursus! I mean, the man has the design sense of a... Well, a gorilla!

This is really an affront to an cultured and cultivated ape like myself. Perhaps they thought that my excellent simian design sense would show them up. That's probably it. They are afraid that old Zaius would show them up! That must be the explanation.

Changing Rooms with Carol Smillie - Special Ape City EpisodeI'm going to try and crash the set to see if I can meet Carol Smillie. Yes, I know she's married! I just want to get her autograph, and have a bit of a chat with her. Her Scottish brough is delightful! (No, a "brough" is not a kind of food, Chairman Honorius. Just be quiet.)

There is one good thing about this turn of events. At least I won't have to deal with that fop Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. Ouch! I think the only reason they have that man on the show is as comic relief.

Changing Rooms with Carol Smillie - Special Ape City Episode
Changing Rooms with Carol Smillie - Special Ape City Episode

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