Are You Old Enough To Get This Joke?

 
 

Perhaps Joe Is Out Shopping For Another Crooked Coroner...

 

Hey! I think that Morning Joe with Joe Scarborough has been cancelled!

(Maybe they found another attractive young intern dead in his office.)

(You know who Joe Scarborough is, right? He is the Former Republican Congressman who had to leave office because one of his attractive young aides, Lori Klausutis, was found dead in his office under extremely suspicious circumstances. [ 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ] Soon to have his own show on FOX News...?)

UPDATE: I was wrong. I was hoping that they were going to replace Morning Joe, but alas, I was wrong. **sigh**

 

Chyron Wars

 

This is why you should never trust the mainstream media! Clearly Gov. Mark Sanford has joined the long list of Republicans that switch parties to Democrat whenever they become unpopular with their party. It must be true, because I saw it on FOX News! The other networks just continue to keep up the lie that they are still Republicans, though. Curse you, Fourth Estate!

 

"Me & Scooby-Doo Down By The Graveyard"

 

No time for blogging today! Some friends of mine and I are busy chasing the Ghost of Finnyan MacDuff. (I think that I can just make this stoplight... Hey, watch it buddy!) In the meantime, you can watch this swell video of "Me & Scooby-Doo Down By The Graveyard" by Captain Plaid & The Video Terrorists. (Ack! Fred found a clue, and Velma lost her glasses! That's a plot twist that I would never have seen coming...)

 

You Can't Keep a Zombie Pop Star Down...

 

He'll be back...

 

Mark Sanford Missing? Mystery Solved!

 

I don't believe this whole story about South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford being out for the season because of a career ending penis injury. I know exactly why he went to Argentina! It's because that's where all of the Blue Meanies escaped to in the end of the film "Yellow Submarine". (Clearly he went as an advance scout to search for accommodations for the rest of the GOP...)

 

Please Wish Former State Rep. Cynthia Davis the Best of Luck in Her New Position!

 

Never let it be said that I am one to hold a grudge. After resigning her previous position of state representative in disgrace, I am happy to say that Cynthia Davis has turned her life around and gotten new job that will insure that those lazy poor people don't get any more free food from her!

I would like to personally wish her the best of luck in her new position. I do feel that her new job is one that suits her disposition far better that her previous one. (And she gets discount meals, too!)

Hunger is indeed a positive motivator! And so are these delightful Happy Meal toys...

 

Thank you, Bubs! Thank you, Jintrinsique!

 

Imagine my surprise when I recieved a package from the Uniquely Yours Pastry Shoppe...

Filled with the most delightful baked goods that you can imagine! Bubs from the Sprawling Ramshackle Compound sent me this delicious box of bakery goodness for some photoshop work [ 1, 2 ] that I did for his daughter. And it was all baked by the awesome blogger Jintrinsique! (Am I lucky or what?)

Thank you, Bubs! Thank you, Jintrinsique! I am not worthy of such rich, creamy culinary goodness, but I'm gonna eat it anyway! I am sending a telepathic blog bite of these delicious items out to each and every one of you. (Except the chocolate peanut butter cookies. I'm saving those for myself!)

 

Another Christian That Hates Poor People

 

In her June newsletter Republican State Representative Cynthia Davis tells you how she really feels about the poor. She states that the summer food program provided by the Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services is a waste of money, the malnourished in Missouri are actually obese, and any problem that might exist is being caused by poor people going out dinner instead of preparing good home cooked meals.

Her articles is delivered in a "point-counterpoint" style. She pulls quotes from the report fromt he Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services, and then delivers her own comments on them. For example, the subtitle of article states: "Current economic woes make Summer Food Service Program more important than ever. Program provides nutritious meals to young people throughout the state," and Rep. Davis counters:

The implication suggests that during a recession, parents don't give their children nutritious food. The reverse may be true. During hard times, many families find it even more important to pull together. Families may economize by choosing to not waste hard earned dollars on potato chips, ice cream, or Twinkies. Perhaps some families will buy more beans and chicken and less sweets.

That's the ticket! If only the lazy underfed would stop eating all of those potato chips, ice cream, and Twinkies!

"Anyone under 18 can be eligible? Can't they get a job during the summer by the time they are 16? Hunger can be a positive motivator. What is wrong with the idea of getting a job so you can get better meals?"

"Tip: If you work for McDonald's, they will feed you for free during your break."

Yes, she really said that. And workers at McDonalds don't get free food, the get a discount - if they can get a job there. And if they are over 16.

Are you hungry, and only 9 or 10 years old? Just wait a few more years! Maybe you can get a job at a fast food restaurant when you are older!

This little nugget was interesting. She starts out saying that probably no one in Missouri is actually hungry, it must be some kind of myth. Then she zig zags into saying that the problem is really obesity, that the malnourished in Misouri must be obese:

"While nobody is disputing the benefits of nutritious food, why the presumption that parents are not providing nutritious food for their children? Even if they are not, who created a new rule that says government must make up for any lack at home? The problem of childhood obesity has been cited as one of the most rapidly growing health problems in America. People who are struggling with lack of food usually do not have an obesity problem. Click here to read about obesity."

The link directs you to a video, which I presume you must read as she directs you to do, instead of watch.

Rep. Davis indicates that those lazy unemployed people can just stop eating out:

Most parents put their children first, even ahead of themselves no matter what. If parents are laid off, that doesn't mean they stop feeding their children, at least not any of the parents I know. Laid off parents could adapt by preparing more home cooked meals rather than going out to eat.

One might argue that preparing a home cooked meal on zero dollars can be a bit challenging. The statistics indicate that One in five children in Missouri currently live in hunger. I seriously doubt that the problem is being caused by poor people going out dinner instead of preparing home cooked meals. I think they would probably love some home cooked meals.

"The right way to solve this is with more education. If the problem is that parents do not know how to serve nutritious meals, let's help them learn how to do that."

So the answer is clear! Poor people are hungry because they are stupid and Uneducated. Food has nothing to do with it!

According to her official biography, she formerly owned the Back to Basics Christian Bookstore, so she knows all about how Jesus hated lazy poor people and how never gave away free food.

I'm willing to bet that none of Clown Car Christian Conservative Cynthia Davis's kids are are malnourished or living in poverty. And if they were, I am sure that she would gratful for any assistance she could get to feed them.

At the end of the article she has a section called "A Little Bit of Humor" with a joke called "Chronic Laziness":

The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me?"

"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."

"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

Get it? One in five children in Missouri currently live in hunger because poor people are lazy. What a hoot!

By the way, can you guess which lawmaker in Missouri now calling for a federal trial to prove Obama's citizenship? [ 2 ] Cynthia Davis, that's who!

mcphee.com: Rep. Cynthia Davis Action Figure
thinkprogress.org: Missouri lawmaker on child hunger
stltoday.com: scholarships for Stay-at-home-moms but not for Stay-at-home-dads

State Representative Cynthia Davis
Capitol Address:
MO House of Representatives
201 West Capitol Avenue, Room 113
Jefferson City MO 65101
Phone: 573-751-9768
Fax: 573-526-1423
E-Mail: Cynthia.Davis@house.mo.gov

 

President Obama and John Hodgeman at the RTCA Dinner

 

Last night on Keith Olbermann and Rachel Maddow they played Obama's speech at the Radio and Television Correspondents' Association dinner, as well as that of the keynote speaker, John Hodgeman.

In case you missed it, click on the links below to watch 26 minutes of awesome! Hodgeman feels that Obama might be the Quizat Haderach, and he very convincingly compared the Obama victory over the GOP to the film Revenge of the Nerds!

President Obama's speech at the RTCA Dinner  (12:34)
John Hodgeman's speech at the RTCA Dinner   (14:08)

 

I Really Shouldn't Watch So Much TV

 

On Wednesday's episode of "Hardball", P.J. O'Rourke called President Obama "pink and squishy". I took particular umbrage at this statement. I am rather fond of pink and squishy.

 

Trust Me, I'm a Doctor...

 

Perhaps I have not made myself clear earlier regarding my diagnosis of the mainstream media. Let me clarify the issue to you on this nifty medical chart...

 

I Would Like to Thank the Academy...

 

I would like to thank Sunandheir of knightandstars for awarding me the coveted Dardos Award! You are very kind, sir.


I am afraid that I have been remiss in my blog meme duties as of late, and I intend to start making up for that in the comng weeks. (I haven't forgotten about Splotchy's story meme, Liberality.)

The Dardos Award is described thus: An award given for recognition of cultural, ethical, literary, and personal values transmitted in the form of creative and original writing. These stamps were created with the intention of promoting fraternization between bloggers, a way of showing affection and gratitude for work that adds value to the Web.

I am going to change the rules slightly in this one case, and bestow these Dardos Awards on some great blogger artists. I'm not talking about the neferious gang of tweakers of pixels and collage makers (like myself) who spend our time on the computer chopping off famous people's heads and putting them on other people's bodies.

I'm talking about the bloggers that actually use pencil and paper, pen and ink, and the more traditional tools of the trade. These are some of my favorite blogger artists.

Now here are the rules:
1) Accept the award by posting it on your blog along with the name of the person that has granted the award and a link to his/her blog.

2) Pass the award to another five blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgment, remembering to contact each of them to let them know they have been selected for this award.

So here are blogger artists in alphabetical order:

Susan of Adventures, Ink, Baby Days, and phantsythat does wonderful black and white line drawings, as well as watercolors and handmade silk bags.

TF of the The Anti-Bullshit Dome of Wonder! does great comic strips and cartoons in pen and ink and colored pencils.

I think that you can guess why I like the work of Jintrinsique. Not all great art is created with a brush or a pencil! Sometimes you need a fork and a napkin to appreciate it.

Mark Poutenis has a great topical comic strip called the The Thinking Ape Blue.

What Now Cartoons has some great political cartoons.

And so does Zen Comix.

And even though she has already received a Dardos Award, there is no way I could do a post about great blog artists without including Becca of No Smoking in the Skullcave.

 

Ling Ling Said It Best

 

Rusty DePass, a prominent S.C. Republican Party activist, longtime SCGOP activist and former State Senate candidate posted a highly-questionable comment on an innocuous Facebook update about the escape of a Western Lowlands Gorilla from Columbia's Riverbanks Zoo. Pam's House Blend

 

The Cats of Finnegan's Alley

 

(Click to enlarge)

'The Cats of Finnegan's Alley'
From Funny Pages Comics, 1934

I love pictures like this...

Note the dark humor...

And the happy kitties in love...

Ack! Someone call FOX News!

 

A Literal Video Version of Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart"

 

No time for blogging today! I am busy performing dentistry on FOX News pundits. (Jeepers! You wouldn't believe the bicuspids on Michelle Malkin... And she could sure use a breath mint!) In the meantime you can watch this swell video of a Literal Video Version of Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" that I stole from Freida Bee's awesome blog.

 

Like It or Not, Socialism is on the Rise!

 

Yay! Now that's change you can believe in!

 

My Friend George Sent Me This

 

Have a nice day!

 

Oh... Never Mind...

 

Ha! Those wacky right wing zealots are making the Republicans look bad!

Oh... never mind...

When I first heard that the pscho white-supremacist hate monger James Von Brunn was 89 years old, the first thing I did was call my mom and tell her that she had not excuse for not going out and making new friends or getting on the internet anymore. I mean, this guy was a lot older than she is, and he was networking on the internet and going out to museums and meeting new people and everything!

 

Skinny Girls Don't Have OOMPH!

 

I agree wholeheartedly.

 

Angry Ballerina has moved!

 

Angry Ballerina has moved! (Adjust your bookmarks and blogrolls.)

 

It Must Be Green!

 

Like it or not, fascism is on the rise!

President Obama was born in the far flung foreign land of Hawaii, so he is not a natural born American citizen. But no matter! With the aid of his ever-present teleprompter and his keen fascist instincts, the president is going to raise your taxes and take your guns away!

With the aid of the eugenics of embryonic stem cell research and abortion rights, Obama will finally create a socialist master race through the science of birth control and media manipulation!

Using the the Edward M. Kennedy Serve America Act, Obama shall create his own version of the Hitler Youth. The law shall force America's youth into mandatory national coercive servitude. Using their slave labor, the president will indoctrinate them to marginalize Christianity and destroy the American way of life!

And we haven't even begun to talk about how the president plans to destroy the economy, socialize medicine and target Republican Chrysler dealers for closure! It's all true... I read it here.

I shall help the president in any way that I can, of course...

 

No Time For Blogging Today - I'm Hot On the Trail of a German Spy!

 

No time for blogging today! I am busy chasing a German spy at Lord Brackenstall's castle. (Aha! He almost gave me the slip, but now I've got him right where I want him!) In the meantime you can watch this swell video about how fun it for young japanese girls to slit their wrists. Yay!

 

My Second Favorite Part of the Newspaper

 

Our local paper has a feature where readers can call in and leave a message about any subject that they feel that they would like to broadcast to the world. They are printed without any name or identification. These were the comments that the newspaper ran on Friday. They are fairly representative of what is usually run in this feature.

Just Right

As a matter of fact, Rush Limbaugh is a good citizen because he does indeed listen to both sides. He gives credit to any idea he considers good for the country. He criticizes any idea he considers harmful, no matter what party is the originator.

Lady Problem

The lady judge soon to be installed on the Supreme Court is a dedicated anti-gun activist. This is your president setting up the court so they can take away your guns. Notice how our liberal news media don’t tell about this so it will go through without a problem.

Believe It

I wonder how many people who voted for change wanted the change we are getting today. The American people are going to be put in the poor house by this administration. It’s going to come down to where the government is going to be so big that they are going to tax you even if you grow a little garden. I hope the people who voted for change, I sure hope this wasn’t the change you wanted.

It is interesting to note that although this town voted 51% for Obama in the presidential election, pro-Obama comments never seem to make it into this feature.

I thought that this one was kind of interesting as well:

Ham It Up

Well, I see on the local television station there was a big grant given to the city to fix their emergency communication vehicle not only for the city but for the county. None of the ham operators have been communicated with, although federal statute requires that ham operators be involved in emergency communications by statute of law. It’s about time the ham operators who stand ready to help were contacted and we could get to do something.

I'm sure that this is somehow Obama's fault as well... (Does ham radio count as pork?)

 

Rachel Maddow Rocks My World!

 

Brave New Words: I case you missed it, click here to watch Rachel Maddow's great take on President Obama's speech in Egypt. The first seven minutes are awesome!

 

My RSVP to the purveyors of the Bing-a-thon event on Hulu

My RSVP to the purveyors of the Bing-a-thon event on Hulu: As much as I like to see aspiring actresses wearing necklaces made out of wieners, I am afraid that I shall be unable to attend due to a previous engagment. I am sorry that I shall not be able to participate in the Microsoft sponsored Bing-a-thon "Shenanigans", and look foreward with great interest in the next "wacky-but-endearing pop culture reference" career move of the aforementioned actress...



**...sheesh...**

facebook.com: Bing-a-thon
youtube.com: Olivia Munn Bing-a-thon Promo
crn.com: Will Microsoft's "Bing-a-thon" Be Half-Baked?
itbusinessedge.com: 'Bing-a-Thon' Planned for Microsoft's New Search Engine
cnet.com: Microsoft offers unworkable solution to Bing porn

 

Holly Loves Cha-Ka

 

Video: Holly and Cha-Ka's first date!
Their first dinner together! Their first kiss!
(Holly wears makeup and everything!)

UPDATE: Sleestak of "Lady, That's My Skull" has a great take on the new LOTL movie.

 

Further Evidence of the Coming of the Great Apeocolypse

 

Further evidence of the coming of the Great Apeocolypse! Every Saturday afternoon a Los Angelos art gallery hosts a weekly life drawing class at the La Cita bar. From 3-8 p.m. the models are released from a backstage holding cell, who then pose in bikinis and gorilla masks for the patrons to sketch. (You are supposed to bring your own art materials.) The evidence is irrefutable!

Pictures | Video

laweekly.com: Bikini-Clad Gorilla Girls Strike a Pose
Cakehead Loves Evil: Life Drawing King Kong Style
ghettogloss.com: Best Use of a Gorilla Mask
latimes.com: Club: 'The Bronx Zoo'
metromix.com: Bikini monkeys make it all okay
latimes.com: Happening today: Bronx Zoo at La Cita
Ghettogloss: The Bronx Zoo at La Cita
latimes.com: Video: The Bronx Zoo at La Cita Bar

 

Fools Rush In...

 

The Republican Party is having trouble deciding on a new leader...

But I am sure that once they sleep on it...

They will figure out who their real leader is!